A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok, here is my problem. I feel really silly about it because it almost sounds more like a stroke of good luck than a problem. That is, I have two guys to decide between.Guy # 1: I have known for years, since high school. We have always been very close and we have been through lots of very difficult times together, we both used to live on the streets and use drugs and both made our way out of those experiences. We have the same goals and dreams, similar ideals and feel the same ways about how children should be raised, politics, we share a similar spirituality, etc. I already know and get along well with his family and he knows and gets along well with mine. I used to love his sense of humour but I don't find it quite as endearing as I did when I was younger. I was very in love with him for a long time and he knew but he always used to say "i love you as a freind, but i'm not in love with you". and then we would have sex in the apartment that we lived together in. And then we'd go to parties where he would completely ignore me to mack on other girls, etc. etc. This guy broke up with me to be with someone else, who i knew that he had been interested in and who i thought was not a very nice person. He also stayed freinds with me after we broke up although, while he was seeing her, he wouldn't talk to me very much.This hurt me very severely and I spent almost three years getting over him completely and being able to regard him as just a freind and forgive him. Of course, the other girl broke up with him. He got very involved in his spirituality and stopped using drugs, and really turned his life around after he was arrested for selling drugs. So anyhow, after changing his life, spending a year abstaining from everything including sex, he started spending more time with me and we had made plans to get some property and farm it together (as freinds, not lovers.).At this point, the property belongs to us (well, to him). He eventually started hitting on me and of course, asked me to get back together with him. That is, he worked his way back into my life and once he was back into my life deeply, he told me that we were acting really boyfreind-girlfreindy and talked to me about how he felt like we should define the relationship so that it didn't get messy and how he felt like he might love me etc. etc. not really knowing how to respond, I said that I would be with him. But although I love him, I am not attracted to him sexually at all, and I feel like my love for him has evolved into the love you have for a brother, not a lover.The other guy is a coworker at the organic farm where I have been living and working, doing an apprenticeship to learn how to be a farmer. He is so intelligent and we have really good conversations about important issues. We have a similar sense of humour. He is great with kids, has a beautiful voice, is very musically talented. He shares goals and values that I do and believes strongly in his actions. He is so into learning about things and being healthy and physically as well as socially active. He really wants to start a family and is so much fun to be around. Plus he's super good looking and I am definatly interested in having sex with him. He has said that he'd be interested in having a fling (no headgames!)and has implied that he might also be interested in me romantically. Although he seems want to be romantically involved with many different women, that is, I think he really wants someone to start a family with and is frequently surrounded by girls that he would be willing to share that with. I don't know for certain that he'd be interested in me and he is definatly not in love with me. But I don't believe that being "in love" lasts very long and i think we're very compatible in other ways. And I think that I could certainly love this guy. I don't know if I should throw away the life and future and history that I have with the first guy, for the possibility of being with the second guy. I'm going nuts here! Please help!
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female
reader, heartbrokenkid  +, writes (26 October 2008):
all i can say is follow your heart and guy 1 sounds like the one
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): If you really want a relationship to work out long term, then put the relationship before the sex. Neither guy fron the sounds of it has asked you for a commitment or even to be in an exclusive relationship. Why on earth do you think that giving a man sex will make him fall in love with you. Both men are dangling the carrot of maybe I might love you, maybe I might settle down and have kids to get into your pants.....put the relationship first and may the best man win. Good Luck.
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