A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok, first of all I'm not a virgin, and I have two kids. I recently ended the relationship with their father as it was not going well... at all. What I'm asking may sound stupid. I've completely forgotten what life and dating was like before him (as we were 17 when we met) I have this OVERWHELMING fear to date, and of sex with any other men. My kids dad is the only one ive been with, in that sense. Even if I find a guy attractive and he seems to reciprocate my feelings I shy away and avoid him. I dont remember how to act on dates, what to talk about, what we will do, etc- plus if sex comes up!? I mean sometimes I get horny but I am practically terrified of the thought of having sex with someone new. I want to get over all this and loosen up, but I'm not sure how. Any thoughts about this?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Emilysanswers  +, writes (30 June 2009):
If you can't remember what you dated like when you were 16 then GOOD. I assume you weren't planning to date 15 year old school boys, so knowing what you knew then won't help you dating men. Welcome to adult dating! It's a whole new ball game!So. Important rules.1. Be yourself and relax. If it doesn't work out then it doesn't work out. Put your standards and your kids first.2. Work out what you want from dating. Is it just some fun dinner dates out away from the kids? Is it a new boyfriend with a view to him moving in and marrying you? Is it sex? You need to know what you want a guy to be like and then you can judge him based on that. YOU never need to change to fit in with him. He'll have his own thoughts on what he wants and if they don't match yours then you split up and move on.3. Sex. If you like a guy then you DO NOT ON ANY ACCOUNT have sex with him until you are in a nice, exclusive, relationship. If you meet a guy and he's cute but you could never see yourself introducing him to your friends or spending any long period of time with him then go nuts. Rock his world in the back of his car on the first date. You never have to see him again after that.4. Contraception. Get on some fail-proof form of contraception, eg the implant / injection / coil. Then always ALWAYS use condoms. If he doesn't like them then he doesn't get to have sex. Simple as.5. Safety. Always remember you are in control. Don't get too drunk, and don't assume the first guy you meet is the one who is going to solve your problems and marry you. My advice is to protect yourself MENTALLY and EMOTIONALLY by staying single for a bit. It's your life. You are an independent woman. You never ever NEED a man. Except for opening tight jars you can do EVERYTHING yourself or with friends or by hiring someone in. They are simply nice to have around. Remember that and you'll be fine.Good Luck!! xx
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