A
male
age
41-50,
*lue1974
writes:Hi, I am a complete novice at this but I need advice.I have a nature of being a friendly flirt all harmless though. Ok a Girl started working where I work and has only been married for two months, I noticed she was always alone so I just started talking to her and gave her an odd compliment here and there. Over time we got closer but my only intention was just being friends which was fine by her. Now some where down the line my feelings got stronger for her, and during a conversation it came out she had the same feelings. Now we both agreed that this was wrong and we tried everything we could think of to vanquish these feelings, but they only got worse. Now we have gone out twice and nothing has happened sexualy but we have ended up making out heavily both times. She tells me she wants me but feels guilty due to the fact she is married. She has also told me she can't stand her husband anymore and dosn't want him to touch her, she has also told me she can't stop thinking about me as well. Now the husband is very controlling and has a very bad temper.And in the past has thrown her through a wall as well as verbally abused her.I understand that this could be a one sided story and could not be true. I don't know what to do so if anybody can give me advice it would be greatI really do love this girl
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): I can give you a veiw from the girls perspective - i have been married for a month - that's right a month! i have fallen for a man in my office who is 100% besotted by me we have discussed our intentions with each other and i have the same feelings you have described your lady friend as having. I want out of a marriage i was pressured into going through with but fear of losing family and friends and everythng i have is all that is stopping me - fear of the unknown - but in recent days i have come to terms with te fact thyat i will never be happy with my husband and told him outright i just needed a push from a few supportuive friends and just had to get it over with - my husband has left me and i have started a slow moving 'getting to know each other' relationship with the other guy. I am happy. Basically what i am trying to say is your feelings aren't going to help her what she will need right now is support from unbiast persons and friends who want whats best for her advice from you will just seem biased and manipulative.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 If she hasn't thought about divorce yet, that's because it's a dreading long procedure, especially her husband is controlling. You are the only thing sweet in her life right now so she's thinking heck, it's tough, but I can deal with it. At least I have Blue1974 in my life. You can only force her to do something if you stand back and act has if you don't care whether she divorces him or not. Withhold the affections. If she asks you why, say you still like her but you don't really need to explain further. The mind sometimes operates in an opposite way. The more you push her to do something, the more she finds reasons to justify staying in her marriage. It's easier for her to get a divorce when it's still early and no one knows about you two. You want the divorce to be about his abusive behavior only. Not her having an affair with you. You being affectionate with her is delaying the urgency for her to divorce her husband. She needs to deal with it immediately. You need to give her the clue that if she wants to have a new relationship, she needs to bring closure rather than waiting for a savior outside of the relationship. It's about her marriage, you shouldn't interfere.
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