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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hi there.I went to turkey four years ago and met a turkish guy who lives there and owns a club. As soon as we laid eyes on one another there was some sort of connection. Up close I didn't think he was that good looking, but after chatting to him he had a great personality and was funny and we got on so well. We kissed b4 I left and said goodbye b4 I went back to england. As soon as I got back I missed him loads so sent a letter to the club just telling him I had a great time and enjoyed his company. He said he wanted me to be with him and possibly stay there but at the time I didn't have much money and was too young to contemplate doing such a thing.After my letter I got an email a month later from him and many more emails now and then. I didn't see him again until last year due to work commitments etc. We still got on really well but he told me he was getting married. I was so gutted and wish I could have turned back time. I have seen him again since and he doesn't seem that happy to be married as it seems more for convenience than love. They never see each other as they work different times and his family were very keen for him to marry her.I think I have fallen in love with him. We spent a lot of time together when I went there a month ago and when we are with one another it's like nothing else matters. I am planning to buy a house there next year as I like the area so much. I am not holding out hope for us being together because of him being married. I have been seeing other men not just saving myself for him. Although in the past we have already slept together b4 he was married. I don't know if I should tell him how I truly feel. I know he really likes me as there is a way a guy acts when he is really into a woman. I just have never asked him how much. He did say he was scared of how much he liked me. I wish I didn't feel this way. I am 25 he is 30. It's rather a mess.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2008): He will never divorce her because it is very bad in Turkey to divorce because marriage and women is the most important thing to a Turkish man and when you are married you have to be with her forever because she can never belong to anybody else and he has to honour that . I think you would just land up getting hurt . I have lived in Turkey for 5 years now and seen how important turkish marriages are .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2008): hi there, first of all if he felt the same way about you he would never of got married! I dont like the idea that u already knew he was getting married!! thats jus wrng!!...if you knew he was engaged u should of bak'd off!! REALY!!...fair enuf u ''liked him'' when u first met!! i feel sorry for his wife!! OBVIOUSLY he's not appy if he's goin roun sleepin wiv other women! how do you know that hes not seen 10 other women b4 he got married...including u?? if i was u i'd just 4get abou him!! dont live near him eitha jus makes u luk desperate! him, sorry if it seems im avin a go! but u must look at the situation n think its a bit odd?!?!?! i think he just needs to sort his life out with his wife!! cuz he made a vow to stand by n protect her!! not cheat on her! even if she is turkish or english it doesnt matter!! he still needs to show women respect!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): I agree with Eyes...wait for him to come to you. Wait until he is a single, available male. Let him make the decision...he needs to; don't go barging over there and into his life as of now...sounds like a big mess and with it big heartaches.
Wait.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (21 August 2006):
 Well I still advise that you wait until his divorce has been granted ( or least in the works) before you pursue this any further. Good luck.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello,
don't think I wrote my question clearly. They are unhappy and are separating. He planned to get married, but I hadn't spoken to him for a long time so he didn't know how I felt as we lost contact for a while.
x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): Malyce and eyeswiden open are both absolutely right in their advice to you.
You really SHOULD rethink buying a house near him, because you are trying, I think, to kid yourself into thinking you're moving there "because I like the area so much." Okay, maybe you DO like the area. However, isn't part of it that you hope you can still see this man "sometimes?" Be honest with yourself, now!
If you like Turkey, and do decide to move there, it should be some place a very long distance from where he and his wife live. If you cannot do that, you should ditch any plans to buy a house in Turkey!
If he really wanted to pursue a serious relationship with you, he would not have gotten married to someone else.
There is nothing more you can, or should, do. You had a good time with him once. Let this affair remain where it belongs - in the past.
In other words, end of story.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2006): Seeing other men is not a faithful and commited action and does not denote love for another man.
I could not think of being with another man let alone dating while in love with my boyfriend.
I think you have already decided that you do not truly love Turkish.
You are wanting to fall for someone who would be unattainable as you may have had some past relationship in your childhood where someone's love and approval were never there for you and now you are replaying this in hopes that Turkish will love you and choose you as a form of therapy.
Just let it go.
You had a nice brief romantic interlude.
He has informed you he plans to move on so should you.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (18 August 2006):
I would not pursue this any further. I would reconsider purchasing a house near to him. You will be setting yourself up as "the other woman". Are you ready to play second fiddle? The guy is married, enough said. Go find a guy who can be totally devoted to you alone. Good luck.
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