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male
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anonymous
writes: I've fallen for a women who I work with, problem is she's already in a realtionship and only sees me as a friend. In the last couple of days she ended her relationship and I was planning in the next week or 2 once she'd got over it, to tell her how I feel. Only for her to tell me today that her relationship is on again!I don't very often tell women how I feel about them but i was all ready to go for it this time and now feel totally destroyed to find out I won't get the chance. Where do I go from here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2006): You don't go anywhere from here.
Not with this woman.
To start with, she's a co-worker. One thing you do not need is to attempt to get involved with her and risk having a lot of turmoil and unpleasantness at your job!
The relationship you thought she had finished, obviously is ongoing - maybe a temporary glitch occurred.
Try to let go of your feelings for her, and turn your attention to other women, outside of work, who are unattached!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, Toria +, writes (27 September 2006):
 I'm sorry to have to say this but she doesn't look at you or feel for you in the same way as you do therefore there is no future for you both while she doesn't return your feelings which I might add she may never return them.
You've told her how you feel and now know that nothing is going to come of it so time you moved on from this, don't take this to heart or let this put you off making a first move towards someone else as not everyone you come to like will be the same as this girl you have to take the chance to gain anything from life and you may get knock backs along the way but they just make you stronger.
Good luck :o)
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A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 From my last post: "Life is also supposed to be fun."
Let me expand on that - I meant that it seems like all you're feeling right now are negative feelings - and it's over someone who you didn't even have a relationship with. Stop beating yourself up, because that's what it seems like you're doing. Maybe in the future you should make sure that the person you're attracted to and who you fall in love with isn't already in a relationship. Otherwise, you'll be setting yourself up for another fall. I know that you can't help your feelings, but you can try to keep yourself from getting so close to someone like you have with the woman you're upset about, you know?
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (26 September 2006):
Hello Anon,
It seems to me that waiting for this woman to break up with her man so you can get with her is a bad idea. Just look at the state you're in, you say you're destroyed.
I don't think it's healthy for you to wait around - there are too many unknowns and this can drive a person to get frustrated, depressed, angry, etc. - and that's what seems to be happening to you.
I suggest trying to create some space between you and your coworker. Maybe this will help you to get over the feelings you have for her. I know that this is probably the last thing on your mind, but you have to think to yourself what positives have resulted from waiting for her? And what negatives are there? Seems to me the negatives outweigh the positives.
Waiting around for someone who might not even leave her boyfriend again is no way to live life. You know this is true. Life is also supposed to be fun - and it sure sounds like you need a little of that right now.
I have to tell you, though, I think it's great that you haven't told her anything. By telling her your feelings, it would most likely confuse her. If you really cared about her, then you wouldn't want to do that. Especially not when she is obviously dedicated to someone else (why else would she want to work things out).
You need to put *you* first. Go out, have fun, spend time with friends, concentrate on hobbies. Do whatever you can to get out of this love slump that you're in now, because it's really taking a toll on you. You sound like such a nice, caring guy - during your time away from this woman, you might even find someone who's better suited to you!
Good luck and take care.
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A
male
reader, fallenman  +, writes (26 September 2006):
 Relationships are / should be a two way interaction. If the lady concerned has not made any attempt to show she is interested in you, you may be on a hiding to nothing.
My suggestion is not to take the first flush of emotions seriously, they can and often are misleading or plan wrong.
Check out what internal feeling is driving your need to approach her.
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