A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Okay so this is kind of a long explanation so bare with me guys. Alright so about a month and a half ago I got out of a two year long relationship, basically the guy was really controlling and I was just getting fed up with it. Anyways, about two weeks after that I hooked up with this guy, knowing he had a girlfriend, and i've been hooking up with him for about a month now. He still has the same girlfriend and when i told him that we should stop seeing eachother untill he was single he said no that he wanted to keep seeing me and just convinced me to keep it going. Usually it takes me a while to fall for someone but for some reason i fell for him fast. Maybe it's the whole excitement and danger of the sneaking around or maybe i just actually like him. I felt bad for his girlfriend but then i found out she's cheating on him even though he doesn't know that it's not really my place to say anything. i just have so much emotional attatchment and it just sucks thinking that he's probably using me for sex but i don't want to stop seeing him because I've already grown such a strong emotional connection. I just don't know how to break it off or whether i should tell him. What should I do? D: Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you guys. I'm going to end it with him today. I already deleted his number. I've never done this sort of thing and I know it won't happen again. I really appreciate your well and thought out answers. If three strangers I don't know took the time to explain how what i'm doing is wrong and will hurt me it really opens my eyes that it is. It's only making my self esteem worse.
Thank you guys again,
Cristina
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2012): It's pointless telling you what you should do because you're just going to keep seeing this guy grow ever more in love and then get absolutely crushed when it all blows up in your face.
Simple as that really.
Even though it's pointless I'll tell you what I would do, I would have the balls to dump him and regain my dignity and no amount of "convincing" would lead me to go back. I would promise myself never to become that person who cheats and justifies it again and I would move on with my life and hope my partners in the future learn to trust me even though I've proven I can't be trusted because I'm so easily "convinced" to do the wrong thing and really care more about getting what I want than I do about hurting other people.
Good luck OP, not only are you going to get crushed by this guy but you're going to lose out on some good ones in the future because you represent too great a risk to date.
You could put this down to a mistake though if you actually dump him and move on. I don't know many intelligent guys who date a cheater if she kept going until he dumped her. Girls who cheat and knowingly let themselves get used are not exactly appealing prospects to us OP.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 This sort of thing is so common that it makes me want to write an article about FWB arrangements and casual hook-ups. Somehow people think that they are in total control of their emotions and that they can have emotionless sex and walk away. It doesn't always work like that! It's difficult not to have feelings for the person you're being intimate with though some men manage that exceptionally well. But the key is to know yourself and to understand whether you are cold enough to use someone physically and not develop feelings for that person.
This guy is most obviously a jerk and you should have known better than to have entered into a casual sexual relationship with someone who's cheating on their girlfriend. How can you love someone who obviously has no integrity? The fact that his girlfriend might also be cheating on him doesn't change the fact that he's a total jerk, a dishonest, manipulative, disloyal person. Do you knowingly want to be taken for a ride?
Snap ties with him, stop meeting him, block him from Facebook, even change your phone number if you can. It will be horribly difficult and you might grieve for him for months but ultimately, you will have saved yourself untold pain in the long run. Be strong and don't let yourself be used, OP. You'll find someone who loves and respects you and doesn't just treat you like a disposable f*** - toy.
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A
female
reader, Wisdom  +, writes (19 April 2012):
 What a pickle you are in young lady...
You are in a really emotional time, you just broke up with someone and you are feeling alone and maybe hurt and a little disapointed. This boy has been able to convince you to allow him to disrespect you by keeping you a secret and still having sex?
No this is not a good thing, This is a man who cheats on his girlfriend. He WILL cheat on you too.
You don't have an emotional bond wit him, you just jumped into the next thing too quick. Turn your phone off for a few days, go and see frinds but not him. Soon you will see that he is just nasty thing who is hurting you.
Please make sure that you spend time on yourself doing things you want. You get to re start all over again! Think about how exciting that can be, First date, first kiss, first everything... Don't let this guy take the fun out of that for you by being a hidden dirty secret.
Make sure you stay with your friends and get some support.
Good luck miss!
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