A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Tonight Me and my (ex) boyfriend have decided to give it another go, we broke up a few weeks ago but stayed friends. he was scared about moving forward . my friend is on a dating site and knows hes on there too ( he hasnt deleted his profile ). ( he doesnt know that i know ) the thing is im also on a different dating site he doesnt know im on it were not meeting up for a couple of week because im going on a pre booked hol. but the problem is i also have a date lined up in a few days time and i really like this guy as much as my was ex. would it be wrong to meet the new guy ( its our 2nd date ) or should i go so i can be 100 % sure who i really want ,i havent slept with the new guy or done anything with him not even kissed. no hate please
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 Technically you are single therefore I don't see the problem. However you say that you have decided you are going to give it another go with your ex. Therefore you have made the decision so why would you bother dating someone else? Are you really sure you and your ex will work out? What was the reason you broke up and has it been resolved now? Sometimes getting back with an ex is a terrible idea so you need to be sure off what you are doing, however if you have already told him you are going to try again with him, then I think going out on another date is wrong.
A
female
reader, like I see it  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 So if I understand this correctly, a friend of yours is on a dating site and he or she alerted you to your ex's active profile (that he's left active despite a stated desire to reconnect). I didn't interpret any part of your post to read that your new date is the one you've discovered to be active on a dating site.
So I think that pretty much invalidates the (in my opinion) harsh judgement shared with you in an earlier reply. Not only are you not officially back with your ex yet, there has either been no talk of exclusivity OR your ex has claimed to want one thing from you while actively doing another thing himself. Sending feelers out to you while still fishing for someone else isn't a particularly promising sign from him that he's ready to commit to a relationship this time.
Another possible red flag with your ex: how old is he? If he's 36-40 and still "scared about moving forward," the odds are better than good that there's some sort of underlying emotional or mental issue, the kind that probably hasn't magically resolved itself in the span of a few weeks. Maybe he has severe trust issues from a previous relationship/marriage, or maybe he's simply never grown up and grown out of playing the field, but if the conversation about reconnecting didn't include some good-faith effort from him about what's going to be different this time, be very, very wary of getting back together with this guy. Especially if you're going to do so at the expense of, as janniepeg wisely pointed out, a potentially good guy who has shown you NO red flags - and for whom you say you already have feelings comparable to those you have for your ex.
So in your shoes, I'd be honest with your ex. Explain that you're not sure he's the right person for you and that you are not ready to get back into an exclusive relationship with him. Go on your date with a totally clean conscience and hopefully the sparks fly with this new guy.
Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 That's the thing with taking exes back. You will never be 100% sure about other guys. If you say to your ex, "screw you," then you would not have this problem. When people are young, then I can give them an excuse like, "okay, they are young, they need to have fun before settle down." But a grown ass man? Like he has past baggage and needs to protect himself from drama or the suffocating feeling from a relationship. The thing you know for sure is that your ex has this problem. He can always bail out again. This new guy has not shown you anything that's a red flag. He is the variable, your new hope that you can count on. You should leave your ex alone and try out with the new guy. Also don't stay on a dating site for more than a month. I know it's a hassle to delete information and then to type it in again. It's for your own good that your face is not shown that many times in public.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 March 2016): Cancel date if for no other reason but to be polite and honest.
You're quite dishonest and everything is going to collapse on you. Your ex only wants to get back together; because he knows you're on dating sites. You're only on dating sites to make your ex jealous. You're justifying being dishonest by claiming the guy you're going on a date with is still active and hasn't unsubscribed from the site. While you yourself is on another, probably to keep track of your ex. So what if he is still active on the site? He may as well be, you're not even dating yet. He's only Plan B, anyway.
Carry on with your deceitful plans.
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