A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:About to celebrate our 5year together but why do I feel like I’m not celebrating anything. We don’t live together as she still works in the same part time job she did when I got with her so we have not progressed. I lost my job 3 months ago, and I have found a very good one starting next month however I am struggling with money. I cannot ask her as she can barely survive herself. So our anniversary approached and I realised every time I said money issues she would get very annoyed and sarcastic telling me well let’s jus spend it at home. So I said I will try borrow some but I cannot be sure when to pay them back (hoping she would understand) instead she said she will help with a little that she can , and kept asking me if I asked my colleague.So anyway I got the money, and it’s all booked. But I’m not excited. She is not money hungry. She’s cares a lot for me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 March 2018):
 It's not a good sign with five years on your relationship hasn't progressed. Is she wanting to work part time forever? Are use wanting to get married settle down have children? Are these things you talk about?
As for borrowing money to go out for an anniversary I think that is madness. Even more mad that she expects you to pay most of it even though you are not working. Honestly I would have cooked a nice home cooked meal and shared a nice bottle of wine in front if the fire.
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (18 March 2018):
 Second paragraph should read:
Shouldn't be out of pocket if you cancel.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (18 March 2018):
 You are (currently) unemployed and your girlfriend works part time .... what sort of expectations does she have for a five year anniversary? How come you are the one who has to come up with the cash? What is she contributing to the celebrations? Are you not both in this together? Why didn't she get another part time job to help pay for her desired celebrations?
Sorry to give you questions and not answers but borrowing money to celebrate five years (of dating?) is, in my view, just down right silly, especially as every time you mentioned money issues she got sarcastic. If she wanted to celebrate she should have, as a minimum, offered to pay half.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (18 March 2018):
 I think it's ridiculous to go in debt to someone so you can celebrate an anniversary.
My advice? SAVE up for the next one instead.
Have a small AFFORDABLE dinner, maybe a little gift (again AFFORDABLE) keep it simple.
If you CAN NOT afford champagne and caviar... you buy beer and bagels!
She knows you don't have a job until next month and she doesn't even HAVE a full-time job... You two need to be a little more realistic.
DO what you can AFFORD. You can make a less expensive date great if you put some thought into it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (18 March 2018):
How much money are we talking about? And what is it you've booked? When is booked for?
If it's a hotel out of town and you've given the required notice, then you shouldn't be out of pocket.
Is she pushing for this trip? Or is she asking because she just wants to know what the plan, if there is one, is.
I say cancel whatever it is, if you can, and just have a nice local dinner or even a special day at home. Every anniversary doesn't have to be a huge event.
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