A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a wonderful relationship with my girlfriend, except that I frequently fantasize about men. We have been together for nearly a decade, but I can't seem to stop wondering what it would be like to be with a man. I once broke up with her to be with a man I had known before, but came back when it didn't work out. I thought I could just try it and get it out of my system, but the guy couldn't get it up, so I'm still curious. I don't enjoy sex with my girlfriend as much as I once did and I feel bad because I almost never reciprocate. She tells me that it's okay, but I still feel guilty. I know it makes her uncomfortable that I am attracted to guys, but I don't want to hide it. I want to be content in this relationship because she is such a great person, but I'm not sure how to fix my feelings. How can I learn to be satisfied with what I have?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2009): I think you have to tell your girlfriend exactly what you've told us here (maybe leave out the bit about not enjoying sex with her as much as you used to).
It wouldn't be fair on her for you to just sleep with a man on the side (could expose her to STDs too), and it wouldn't be fair on either of you to just carry on the way you are, not sexually satisfied.
You need to sit down and have a heart-to-heart on this one. Tell her how much you love her, but also that you have this irresistible urge to explore your gay side and you just can't stand it any longer, it's something you need to do.
It won't be an easy conversation, but it needs to be done. All you can do is be as kind and thoughtful as possible with her feelings, and hopefully you might be able to work something out together.
Best of luck
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