A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Okay so i've been seeing this guy for four months now. He has only been in one serious relationship and they recently broke up (5 months) before i came along. She treated him like shit ie cheated on him used him ect. They have a child together so they still talk. I feel like he isn't ready for a new relationship. He sometimes tells me "i shouldn't love him, and it isn't good for me to love him" What does that mean?? I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone and he said no. Is he just scared of getting hurt again? We pretty much live together, does he just need space? Should i stop seeing him as much? Sometimes i just feel like i should pack while he is gone and leave. I don't know what to do!!!
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (27 August 2007):
 Well I would tend to see what he said as a reflection of low self-esteem which is understandable given his past. I wouldnt necessarily take it as an indication that he is not ready or that he wants more space.
I think you should try and talk to him and ask him if it helps if that is what he meant since second-guessing these things can be a little dangerous. Clear the air and then go from there. Hope that helps. :).
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): Um well as soon as he told you that, you should have right then and there asked him to explain what he meant by that. So keep that in mind for next time. Anyway, it does sound very weird. I don't totally understand myself. But I think maybe after all he's been through he might just have a low self image and probably thinks he is not worthy of your love. How does he treat you in general? I mean if he is a good guy to you, then maybe he really just is suffering from a very low self esteem right now. And no wonder! He just got out of a very bad relationship where he was cheated on and humiliated. I would expect it to be very normal for him to feel kind of low about himself after he was disrespected for so long.So if that is the case (which it very might well be) then he probably said that to you just because maybe he thinks he is not good enough for you. He probably thinks he is not good enough for anybody! In that case you could definitely talk to him and reassure him that you really like him and would like to be with him. Maybe he just needs reassurance that he is great and totally worthy of respect and love. (Don't overdo it though) :) Just see how that works out. But if his issues are not something you want to deal with at all, especially since you know that his issues have everything to do with his last girlfriend, then I don't blame you if you choose to move on. Whether it was that he misses her or just simply that he is still not over the impact that she had on his self image, that is just baggage that no one should bring into a healthy new relationship or should want to put up with. So if you want to move on, I don't blame you. I probably would.
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