A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm just gonna apologize in advance for how long this is. My situation doesn't have too much to do with relationships but I didn't know where else to ask. So, to start off, let me give a little bit of information about myself. I just turned 15, and I've been homeschooled since this school year started. I have not seen a single of my friends since the last school year. I talk to three of my closest friends (all girls) daily, through AIM. The reason I switched to homeschooling this year was a couple things. Last year, I wore contacts (which was my second year of contacts) and developed a condition from the contact solution, which was contaminated. I left school roughly a month early to figure out that problem. Result was basically that I now HAVE to wear glasses instead of contacts. This might all seem rather irrelevant, but its not. I've always had relatively low self esteem, but with my contacts I felt more confident. Now that I'm forced to wear glasses I'm embarassed to even leave the house in case I run into someone I know. So, this is part of the reason I haven't gone out with friends in the last ten months or so. The other reason I switched to homeschooling was that my mom had to go through some complicated health issues and couldnt take me to school everyday. That's still the same. Now, let me go back to my friends. My closest (and best) friend I've known for around four years. The last year that I went to school with her, we spent a lot of time together. I'd go to her house around 3 days each week, after school. At times I began to develop feelings for her, but nothing ever really happened. She felt the same about me at some point, but that was at least a year prior to that year. So, basically, we ended up liking eachother as more than friends at different times, so nothing ever came of it. Now, presently, we talk daily on AIM and have gotten even closer, if possible, and there is literally no subject too personal for us to talk too eachother about. Becase of all this I think I've started to like her as more than a friend again, but haven't said anything for two reasons. One being that I dont want to risk our friendship, the other being I can't see what could come of it being we almost never see eachother anymore. So I originally decided to just wait it out. There's a good chance I'll switch from homeschooling to her school next year, and figured I'd wait till then and see what happens. This'd work with my glasses situation because there's a specific type of contacts I CAN wear, that are more difficult and uncomfortable. My mom has been too busy to take me to find out more about that and get them though. Especially since there's essentially no rush. This all works out fine except for the fact that I dont think I can just wait until then. She's expressed her want to see me and that she misses me a few times, and I can't help but wonder if she feels the same way as I do. As If there's a chance something could happen if under different circumstances (that allowed me to see her more often)On top of all of this I've been extremely depressed over a majority of the ten months. From family deaths, to my low self esteem, to my general feeling of worthlessness I've contemplated suicide eons of times. Please dont suggest I seek psychiatric help or antidepressants as that's out of the question and I'm fine. Another extremely strong concern of mine is that when I do see her again, I'd have trouble talking to her. What I mean by that is, after talking to someone extensively solely online, conversations are somewhat awkward in person or on the phone (in the case of the other friends I keep in touch with). Ironically it seems that's not the case with her, as I talked to her on the phone recently and had no problems whatsoever. Conversation flowed naturally as if no time had passed at all since we last talked, which was extremely relieving to me. There's also a slight chance I can plan to see her again before the next school year. To put it simply, I'm fairly certain I can wear a pair of my old contacts for one day without any problems. My mom disagrees and won't allow me. A while ago I snuck an unopened pair out though and still have them. My dad is okay with me using them. So, I can go see a movie with her or something. In fact, she asked me to 2 weeks ago, but I couldnt that weekend cause I was sick, and same for the weekend after. I'm sick a lot, might be related to the eye condition, or depression, or poor eating habits, or all put together. Anyway, the thought of that has also kept me from saying anything about my feelings to her, cause it could make things awkward the next te we see eachother. So I think it'd be better to at least hold it off till after we go to the movies or whatever is decided on. I realize how long this was so I'm extremely grateful for any responses at all. My basic question is, after hearing all that, what would you suggest I do?I can only hope no one who knows me sees this as with all the information I've put into it it'd probably be hard to deny it was me xD
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female
reader, ask phoebe  +, writes (26 February 2009):
 I know this sounds like the obvious answer, but I think you should give your glasses a go.
I used to wear contacts all day every day. My optician said that I should wear them less because I was developing "abnormal vessel growth" in one eye (basically means the blood vessels in my eye were growing to supply the cornea with more oxygen. wearing contacts so much was depriving the cornea of enough oxygen). Anyway, I ignored this because I was really self conscious about wearing glasses in public.
A month or so later, I got to school after having my contacts in for about an hour, and my eyes were seriously bloodshot. They were all red and stinging, and so I took the plunge and wore my glasses for that day, and the few days following. I was really scared to wear contacts again in case they damaged my eyes. The thing is, other than a couple of people commenting on the fact they didn't know I wore glasses, no one actually cared. I realised I had made a big deal out of nothing. Since then, I've been much more confident about wearing glasses in public, and I got some nice new frames. I still wear contacts sometimes but I wear glasses most days now.
Sorry about the long answer, but basically you should try glasses for at least one day and see what happens. I bet no one will care. Especially this girl. If she likes you, the glasses won't be a problem. She'll accept they're a part of who you are.
Good luck :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): Well honey I don't think that you should risk your health, for the sake of not wearing glasses.. If you guys are such good friends and have been friendly for quite a while now, then I'm sure she's either seen you in them before or doesnt mind. After all, honey, you've got to put things into perspective and remember they are only glasses. Not the end of the world! I'm sure she wouldnt even think twice about it. You say nothing is too personal for you guys to discuss.. I presume you've talked about how you don't like your glasses, or she's aware of your feelings towards them? Well if so, she'll understand, and let it go. But you mentioned about being depressed quite recently, and feeling a little suicidal.. Well, you know, you've always got me here to talk to. Literally, any time, just mail me and I'll be there. To talk to, to moan at, to talk things over with. Anything, I'm just here ok. You don't need to feel alone when you're depressed, because you're not :] good luck honey.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2008): hey sweetie. first of all, it says you are 13-15 which is pretty young. i know how hard and frustrating it is to be that age! i'm not sure what to tell you about your glasses/contacts problem except don't stress over it - most girls think glasses are cute.my best friend and I fell for each other at different times as well. It seemed like it would make things weird, but it actually made us closer, so I don't regret letting him know how I felt. He moved pretty far away but we talk on the phone everyday. If this girl is your best friend, you should let her know how you feel, but also let her know that you don't want to risk losing the friendship. let her know how important that is to you, above everything else. If she feels the same, maybe something could happen - you never know, right? If you both want it to work you will find a way to make it possible. But remember you are still young and you have all the time in the world to figure it out.I'm sorry to hear about your depression and self-esteem issues. When I was in my teen years I went through a lot and felt the same way, dealing with deaths of friends and family, ect. I always felt like I was in some empty hole that I couldn't get out of. To be quite honest, it will get better - but you have to put some effort into it to! I know it sounds dumb and like a "lecture," but whether you have a positive or negative attitude about things makes all the differece in the world! Trust me, I would know. I hope this helped. just hang in there. it will all get better.
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