A
female
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anonymous
writes:I've been living with this great guy now for about a year. We met 2 years after he went through a horrible break up with a woman who completely devastated him, both financially and emotionally. The thing is, she's been calling our house lately and I've been deleting her messages without telling him. I feel a little guilty about it, but on the other hand, I know how long it took him to get over her and I know it'll mess up his head if he knew she was calling and it could potentially mess up our relationship too because I won't tolerate her playing head games with him. He's now with me and we're very happy in my opinion, she has no business contacting him for any reason. They did not have children together and they were not married. I'm hoping if she never gets a call back from him, she will eventually get the hint and quit calling. Am I wrong for doing this? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 November 2006):
 I second everything Yos the fish said. That's the plan to go with, honey. Your guy will understand.
A
female
reader, vina_101  +, writes (9 November 2006):
 I understnd why you deleted her messages and you're right, she has no business contacting him, I would probably delete her messages too if it was me but...truth is, if you feel you have to delete messages and hide things from him to keep your relationsip together then something is wrong. That is a sign that your relationship is not strong enough. Try working on that so that you can feel more secure.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): I agree with Yos's advice.
I think what you did is understandable too but that you should tell your boyfriend about this. If he finds it out from someone else, your good intentions may backfire so much that he'll not trust you either. And that, I think, will hurt him more than how this other women has hurt him. You are showing him the alternative, the right way to treat people, so don't swoop to this other womens levels and play dirty. Be honest with him, tell him why you did it and have some faith in yourself and him that he will not choose to have any thing to do with this other women again. Good luck with whatever you decide to do though :)
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (9 November 2006):
 I think your behaviour is understandable under the circumstances. I'd recommend doing a few things:
- You contacting her somehow (email?) and telling her to stop calling.
- Then I suggest you tell him what has happened. Tell him that she called and you deleted the messages. That you are sorry about doing it, but you that you found them really inappropriate. Tell him that its not ok for him to have any contact with her.
He'll probably find out one way or the other, so the best way is from you. If you tell him in a good way (ie explain exactly how you felt and why you did it) then he should hopefully understand.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): What it is, is trouble.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): You have done something completely wron If I was him and I notice I would dump you, you should be really ashamed of yourself
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2006): Hiding messages will not stop him having feelings for her if he still does.
He may resent you for hiding this from him. It is his decision to ignore her advances at the end of the day.
I understand your insecurity and you are right, it is not fair, and she may not deserve him. But sooner or later he will find out, the longer you leave it the worst it will be for him to forgive the deceit.
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