A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:During my more formative years I rarely dated. Girls either moved away or just disappeared, and I know that when I would eventually transfer I'd have to leave everyone behind. Between this and the usual "You're a nice guy, but..." I just stopped bothering. The "Someone Special" would be found in the future, and I had more important things to attend to.Flash forward a few years: I lost my virginity to a prostitute when I was 22. It wasn't more than a week since I returned from my first deployment to Iraq and I had a bit more money than brains. I couldn't stand the stigma of being a virgin anymore, but neither could I resist the urge to go back. For a good two years my sex life consisted of escorts...I'd get the urge and have it taken care of. Cold, clinical, and devoid of the terrifying emotional drama that plagued my peers. Their cheating, rage, abuse and failed relationships piled around them while I realized that opening myself up to anyone emotionally would just lead to harm and sorrow. Thus I lived my my own little contained and controlled world of vice. Though I was never caught, my own guilt caught up with me. After my second deployment, I quit the mongering and never looked back. Miraculously I tested clean for STDs, and no one besides my conscience is the wiser. I have no intention of returning or reinforcing that psychological short-circuit.At 25 I now find myself back in college, where it is much easier for me to find someone I can connect with on an emotional level. Though my past, for all its lack of immediate consequence, haunts me. When the time comes, how the hell do I bring this up?I don't want the sappy "I'm sure there's someone for you!" responses. I want to confirm that, deep down inside, this is a secret that once shared will drive just about anyone away in an emotionally intimate relationship. If this is true, why should I even try if it will leave her running away and hurt?
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escort, lost my virginity, money, prostitute, sex life, std Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe STD testing was comprehensive and included multiple blood panels. Additionally, it was within the appropriate window for detecting HIV antibodies. I've also had multiple HIV tests due to my line of work. Not a complete guarantee, but it's as close as it can be.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2011): Unless you have been tested 2-3 for hiv according to the guidelines and with a blood test for herpes you don't really know for sure that you are clear of stds. Herpes often needs to be cultured as well as doing a blood test. It's difficult to determine if you have this as some people do not have typical outbreaks or any for years after exposure.
For me this would be a deal breaker. But there are women who would accept this as long as you are clear of stds and you're never going to do it again. I prefer honesty on all counts where my and other people's health and ethical beliefs are concerned.
I would be honest. If your gf or future wife ends up with a disease such as hiv they're going to hate you, so make sure you get tested properly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPerhaps I should have tweaked my wording. I've seen some pretty nasty abuses of trust, and it's not something I want to subject myself or others to - even if that means I find myself alone for a long time. I'm not asking for responses to reinforce my worldview, but rather for folks to tell me whether or not this is something that is a dealbreaker that I imagine it to be, and how I should press forward and move past this.
Your answer helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2011): I don't see that your sexual past has any relevance to any future relationships.
You have tested clean for STD's, and this a miracle of Biblical proportions.
You are asking people to ONLY post responses that confirm you twisted view of the world.
I will not feed your depression. You do that enough already. But having disregarded human emotion as you have done in the past, you have hurt yourself mostly.
There is a reason that all your friends were willing to put themselves through what seemed like hell, over and over again, in their relationships.
Its because when it works... it is the most amazing feeling humans are capable of producing.
Forget all that empty, sexual bullshit. There is a very good reason most people make the decision between sex and making love.
Because having sex with a woman you feel the most intense love for usurps any amount of casual sex, hands down.
But to answer your question. Some may b driven away by your sexual past. But if you sit down and tell them why you acted as you did, and why you have chosen to abandon a way life that was not working for you emotionally... those who are worth being with will stick around.
I'm not gonna lie, it's likely to be painful to you. There may be break-ups, and pain that cannot be healed the way a gunshot wound can be. And they will be just as devestating to you.
But don't give up. There is joy, endless amounts of joy, to be had. You just have to go out and find it. Cause it won't come to you.
Flynn 24
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