A
male
age
41-50,
*ugostephen
writes:i have been to counciling now for 3 weeks and it seems to be helping but today i feel devastated. I have hardly any contact with my ex who is expecting in november at all now. The only contact is seeing her post new pics on her facebook. It was her birthday yesterday and she has posted pics from there on the facebook. Well this has just ripped me apart today. Its the first time i have seen how she is developing as a mother and she is starting to show, she looks amazing but its hurting me so much not being there and seeing her develop. If i am like this now how the hell will i cope when the baby is born. I am wondering if i should be around at all, but i want to be in the babies life but i cant keep feeling like this everyday its is frightening
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2008): Wow! Sorry to here that hun! There are always two sides to every story and the arguements must have been pretty heavy for her to make that choice. However, all couples argue and that is a big step for her to decide to go it alone.
I reckon that you should message her on facebook and let her know how you are feeling. All women especially pregnant women need that feeling of knowing that the guy still cares about them especially when they are carrying your child. Just let her know that you want to be in the child's life and how you want to do this.
Is this your first chil?
Try to get her to talk to you preferably by face or over the phone about what kinds of arrangements or expectations she has in place regarding access and maintenance. Also more importantly find out how you can be involved in the babies life before it is born. Will she let you attend antenatal appointments?, the birth? Can you have copies of scan pictures etc. Maybe you could get her shopping for her so that she can get a rest etc. You may not want to come across as being a control freak and im not saying you should be but the fact is that you are feeling down because you want to be apart of the child life before and after it is born and it is your right.
There are so many women out there who would love for the man to be available more so I think you should take this opportunity to show her how mature you are. Don't talk to her or relive any of the arguements you experienced together. Put them in a box and maybe address them later, after the baby is born (if possible) she doesnt need the added stress but for now make your sole purpose looking after her whilst the baby is being created and then looking after the baby but supporting her from a distance when it is born. I hope that helped.
Have you thought about trying to get her back?
A
male
reader, hugostephen +, writes (15 June 2008):
hugostephen is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe walked out on me, we were having a few arguements, and she said she had enough of them and was goin gto bring the baby up by her self
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2008): Why did you break up? who broke up with who?
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A
male
reader, Peterk5699 +, writes (15 June 2008):
 I think you should support her while she's pregnant as its your kid too. Try and talk to her about it and offer your support. Send some messages over facebook or email. Or if you know where she lives give her a phone call.
I'm no legal person but when the child is born I believe you have the rights to see him or her at any time. You sound a decent person so I don't see anything wrong with it.
Good luck!
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