A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I started a new job on Wednesday, this is my 3rd day and despite me knowing and telling myself it's only my 3rd day and things may get better, I can't shake this horrible feeling of not fitting in away.I trained at a previous organisation that wasn't particulalrly great, didnt follow the rules and our inspection grades were at the lowest you can get. I moved on from there once my training was complete feeling good and thought I knew what I was doing in terms of my field/job. Due to this practice not beig the best, I picked up or learned (since I didn't know any different) bad habits and the wrong things to do.I started at a different place a few days ago. This place has top inspection marks and is very professional. It's very well known and caters for some very important people. I feel grateful that I managed to land a job in such a great place almost straight out of training but I feel really embarrassed at actually how clueless I am.I only work with another 4 people. They are lovely and have even invited me to their Christmas night out. They are older and so more expierenced however. I'm the youngest by at least 10 years so I feel that making conversation with them is extremely difficult. They al have children, their own homes and are effectively adults where as I have a boyfriend of 2 years, still live at home and have just started in adult life. I feel like I don't have anything in common with them at all and although a couple of them are good at making the effort of speaking to me the main person I work with I basically silent the whole time. None of them show me what to do unless I ask and its getting to the point where I'm too embarrassed to ask now and just wing it.Due to me being inexperienced and not knowing things I should know as a qualified person in my field my confidence has shattered l. I feel like a completely different person from the interview and trial day i did with them. I feel constantly watched which makes me even more self conscious. This has caused me to delv further into my shell rather than gradually coming out of it! Like I say I know it's only been 3 days but I really can't see my lasting there. Advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2014): In every job you gotta train yourself. Sorry, this isn't school.
A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (27 September 2014):
 Hello - to be fair many jobs I have had have been the same. Learning to deal with it, finding a personal coping strategy and gaining the confidence to both ask for help when required and being able to fit in with older people is all part of maturing and gaining life experience. This is one of the reasons, and maybe I am going a bit off subject here, why I always say that qualifications are great but experience of work counts for a lot more overall.
One of the biggest obstacles, and indeed shocks, for many people who graduate for example is the sudden realisation that working closely for 40 hours a week with people in their 30s, 40s, 50s and beyond in not something they are used to doing. When one is young its a culture shock to try and converse with people who are so much older and more experienced. I started work at 17 - a very naïve, young 17 at that - and worked with a group of vile people in their 50s and 60s who all knew each other for years. I was a teenager in my first job, out of my depth and I was also extremely shy, wet beyond the ears and didn't know what to say. I fell for some horrid pranks and almost got fired a week in because of a vile woman playing games.
But over time I developed new skills, matured and gained the confidence to both act, communicate and appear mature and experienced. Now, as an office manager, I often smile when we have young adults work with us who remind me of my self at that age; awkward, shy, quiet and out of place. Most of us go through that stage.
See this as an opportunity: Talking to someone isn't hard. Just because they may have a house, are married with kids, have bills to pay and so on doesn't make them any different to you.
(I remember at 17 I worked with a guy who was 30 and used to talk about his sex life. I was disgusted! A man of THIRTY having sex?! 30 seem ancient to me then and though thought of this "old" guy having sex repulsed me. Makes me cringe now: im 36 and laugh at A: my innocence about sex back then and B: the fact I though 30 was too old to do it.)
As for the tasks in hand, you need to speak to your manager or the person you work with who is in charge of the section and explain that you feel you need to have the tasks made more clearly. Ask for support and a clearer explanation of what is expected. Please don't just keep your concerns to yourself and bumble through as you will find if it goes wrong you will be blamed for not asking the right questions.
One of the most important things for any person at work now is being proactive. Too many people sit there waiting for an instruction rather than thinking for themselves. Im not saying you are like that but its better to ask for a plan of action or a list of the duties you should do, rather than making it up as you go along or sitting there too quiet to ask for work or help. Sadly in these tough economic times companies cannot afford the training and resources we need to learn a new job. Im in the same boat myself - I was offer an office manager job on the Tuesday, had a two hour hand over on the Friday and Monday it was "theres the office off you go". I felt bewildered and out of my depth and worried that I was doing things wrong or that I was missing stuff. So I know how you feel. But id didn't have anyone above me to liase with.
One thing I have learnt is that you need to strike the right balance - on one hand you don't want to be sitting on problems too scared to say anything until someone goes mad at you for not raising the point, on the other you don't want to be seen as a nag. As a manager myself now I know how draining it can be to have someone come to you every two minutes with problems rather than looking for a solution themselves. You have the maturity to recognise that you have picked up bad habits so its doubly important to ensure you learn the right way of doing things. Ask for a chat with your manager and explain that you feel the training isn't enough. Please don't just wing it.
You do also need to be proactive with learning to deal with the situation your in personality wise - make conversation and join in their's. Forget the fact they are older or have a different life situation, just chat about general things: news, what their children are doing and ask them about their career to date. Anything (avoiding politics or religion) to make conversation. I don't have anything in common with my co-workers: im 36, like music from the 80s and motorsport, my collegues are in aged 50 to 78 and enjoy blues, jazz, folk music and bowling, morris dancing or singing sea shanties. We are polar opposites but we all (usually!) get on well.
With age comes experience, adult confidence and an ability to fit in more with people we don't have anything in common with. But it takes time, effort, a few embarrassing set backs and experience to gain that confidence and ability. It takes many of us well into our twenties to finally get to that stage and often even longer to be comfortable with doing it.
Anyone young and new to a job will be watched. With the greatest of respect someone in their late teens, or early twenties, wont have the work experience as proof of their abilities like someone my age would. Older people should be able to point to a long standing career of plus points, sound decisions, reliability and of course you would expect a person, say, 30 plus to be mature and sensible for the most part. Realistically anyone in your age bracket will be under a bit of scrutiny as there will be question marks about a persons maturity, attitude and so on at that age. That's not a reflection of you per sa, but rather something that comes with the territory.
The older staff should know that it is harder for someone your age to mix. But it is so important to make that leap of faith into communicating on their terms, maturing quickly in that respect and becoming an equal. Otherwise they may see your quietness as a lack of social skills, immaturity or of you being out of your depth.
You can do this and its something so many of us have faced. Its all part of growing up, maturing and becoming experienced in the workplace.
Mark
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (27 September 2014):
 Take a step back and think positive...you're putting a lot of undue stress on yourself. I don't have any idea what kind of work you are talking about but I'll bet you can "wing it" for at least a week or so by just watching others and learning from what they do. I never had a job that I felt fully prepared for. You just have to excell in on the job traing (O.J.T.) which is what I was able to do pretty well from working in shipyards, petrochem industry, writing O&M manuals, testing equipment for a huge contract in Sacramento, starting up a watewater treatment plant, traing operators. just deep breaths and learn as you go. You can do it!never let them see you sweat.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 September 2014):
 Take notes, ask questions and observe. The people who have more experience will without doubt want to help you succeed. Because if you "SUCK" you will drag them down too.
And work on your social skills, you may not have much in common, but try and be friendly.
YOU can do it.
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