A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I feel like me and my boyfriend aren't communicating as much and aren't as connected like we used to be. He's been off with me lately and I always think the worst of things which I hate but I really want things to work between us and I don't like the way things are at the moment. He's not the romantic type but he can be cute and loves it when I tell him the things he wants to hear. I just don't know how to make things go back to how they were, it's like we have nothing interesting to talk about even though I know we do. Any help or advice please? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2013): You are trying to revive a fading relationship. If that is the case, it takes two.My dear, relationships require work and effort; but they shouldn't require a work crew. Stop trying to pull conversation out of him.You've been around each other a lot, and you're young people who should have friends of your own; and should be out having fun. Not just centering your lives around each other. You start to smother each other. Maybe you both need a break. I think you're the one clinging to it.You're not married. You're boyfriend and girlfriend.Sparks don't fly 100% of the time; but when you don't get a spark at all, it's time to think.You've run out of conversation and he's just not making any effort.I think your relationship has run its course with this guy. He's just lingering. It sounds like you're the only reason it still exists.You spend too much time trying to drag feelings out of him.How about just ending it? Are you waiting for him to do it?You're all worried about things, and he's just there. He sounds as exciting as a bump on a log.Seriously!?You're young, time to just have some fun and get over all this drama. Maybe you're the only one who has something interesting to talk about and he doesn't. If he's not trying as hard as you are, give up.
A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 Sorry I posted too soon. Anyway. So I do know where you're coming from. how long have you two been together? Maybe you just need a little spicing up! Plan a date that's extra special that he will love or spice up the sex life. Anything that will help get you two out of the rut you're in.
Relationships take work. if both of you are not invested in doing what it takes to keep each other happy (it takes his effort too, not just yours) then yes, things will inevitably get dull.
I've found for me, if I date someone who doesn't share the same love languages as I do, I discover that we are naturally incompatible. Or the relationship becomes forced.
Anyway, good luck!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (9 October 2013):
I guess everyone is different in relation to this because my love language (if you haven't read about the five different love languages, Google it - it's good to know about yourself) is quality time spent together. In other words, sitting and talking one on one is the most important thing in a relationship for me. So if things start to get boring and we run out of things to talk about, something feels really wrong to me and I feel unhappy.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 October 2013):
 There is a stereotype that men wait for women to plan social activities and they are not good talkers. I am not sure if this is the case with him. Men also do not feel antsy when there is a lull in the relationship as much as women do. It's okay if there is no much going on in your lives but it is important to have common interests. I myself do not want a phone/talking relationship. If you feel that there is not much you can talk about, don't call him until you have ideas of what to do next time you meet. Even watching movies or documentaries are better than nothing. A relationship never goes back to the honeymoon stage, but it either progresses maturely or you decide you two are growing apart.
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