A
male
age
36-40,
*hinnis
writes:Where do I begin. Im a 20 year old male and I've been dating my gf (19) for almost 2 years, we're in a long distance relationship, our relationship is solid when we're together. She goes to a university 4 hours drive from here, and we only get to see each other every 6-8 weeks during her uni break for about a week. We've done this long distance relationship last year and somehow we managed to get through it (believe me, it was the hardest thing i've done). This 2nd time round is different, its onlt been 2 weeks apart, she seems to be a different person and has a different attitude towards me. She shuts me out completely - txt messaging has been kept to a minimal, phone calls are rare, she said she would write a letter. It annoys me, so I asked her why she is doing this, she doesnt know why and she can't say I love you to me anymore. I told her how this is affecting me, I asked her to try and rebuild our relationship, but she is still not giving any effort into it. It hurts, I don't know how to deal with it, I can't sleep at nights, I can't stop thinking about it and whats worse, I think im emotionally distressed. I have been spending time with friends, but it still doesn't get get rid of this empty feeling.What can I do about it, what is her problem? I don't want to see us breaking up, she is everything to me. HELP!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 March 2007): Im in my first year of uni, and my boyfriend is younger than me and still in high school. We have been going out almost a year and a half now, and even though he is only just over an hours drive away, the first term in uni was the hardest thing we have ever gone through in our relationship. Now, I will admit that there came to one point in my relationship where I had had enough, and my attitude had completly changed to not being able to care anymore. I found it hard even saying that I loved him. What changed the situation was my boyfriend being spontaneous, and telling me how deeply in love with me he was. At first, I wasnt convinced as Id grown to have a lot of trust issues. However, it wasn't long before I realised that I dont know what i would do with out him. Thats the moment my attitude changed back. Knowing that losing him would be the worst thing to ever happen to me!
A
male
reader, Chinnis +, writes (2 March 2007):
Chinnis is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is, I've asked her if I should drive up and see her, she says its not a good idea. She says we'll sort it out when shes back home in another month. I feel I can't wait that long, I don't want more sleepless nights and less enjoyable days, I want to concentrate on my studies but I can't. She says she has two lives right now. Life in a campus environment and life as a hometown girl. Why can't she include my life in hers anymore? Why do girls do this? She can understand how difficult it is for me, why doesnt she go about changing it.
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A
female
reader, chachacha  +, writes (2 March 2007):
I really feel for you.
I'm afraid it sounds like she is giving you a very clear message that it is over. If she wants to contact you, she will.
You could just send her a letter to say that you love her, you don't understand what has changed, but you'll be there if, when she's worked through whatever it is, she would like to come and talk to you about it, and then leave her alone and hope.
Or you could do the dramatic thing - get in your car, drive over to see her, and talk it through.
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