A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in my late thirties, I have been with my boyfriend who is 3 years older than me for a few months. I thought I would have got past this feeling by now but I don't seem to have yet....I like him as a person but I find him unattractive. He is overweight, bald, jobless and doesn't have a car, so we never go anywhere anyway. My previous partners were very physically attractive but ended up treating me bad, so I thought I would change the type of man I go for in the hope that I would find mr right. He adores me, always tells me that he loves me, thinks I am gorgeous and would do anything for me, but I just cannot get past the ugly thing. When we have sex it is a real struggle for me and I try to think of reasons to get out of doing it. I don't want to give up, because I hope that love can grow with time, and hope that when I feel that way towards him then I will get past this issue. He quotes himself as being 'drop dead gorgeous' and thinks he looks younger than his age. Of course there is nothing wrong with having confidence in yourself but I wonder if he sees something different to what I do when he looks in the mirror.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Agriff +, writes (27 March 2010):
Had you been single long before you met this man. Maybe you still love your last partner
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): I don't think a relationship can work without physical attraction. And if you are not attracted to somebody from the start, chances are you never will be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): My mom who is one of the least shallow people I know always told me you have to be attracted to the guy to make it work. Physical attraction is part of the equation. You shouldn't be with someone who treats you poorly or whose personality you aren't attracted to, but you also shouldn't be with someone you aren't physically attracted to. You deserve to be with someone you can be attracted to on every level and who treats you well, hold out for that. When you find that person you will be happy you waited no matter how hard that wait is.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): I find it interesting that you listed two "non-physical" turn offs in your list of things you find unattractive. My guess is that his looks play a negative role, but could be offset if he had a job and a car. Just my take.Ultimately the advice from Eyeswideopen is right on. You have to weigh the pros and cons and choose. My guess is that his devotion won't be enough for you. It may if he had something going for him (like a career), but that doesn't seem to be the case.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 Nobody's perfect so there's always a trade-off. It just boils down to whether the pro's out-weigh the con's. If you can't enjoy sex with the guy I'd say the con's have tipped the scale.
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