A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 16 and I've had this weird relationship with this guy for about 9 months. We tried being together but he never actually wanted a relationship with me. I lost my virginity to him recently and we have always been close. He has never really treated me right but I could have easily just walked away. That was just too hard because he's a good friend, around a lot, and has feelings for my best friend. A couple weeks ago he ended what we had. I was really upset but ready to move on until he kissed me again at a pool party he had. It was still weird after that even though I begged him to stay. Finally I cut it off for good and was doing really well without him. Until last night. He told me that him and this other girl whom I have become really close with were together. They have been friends for a long time and he has always had feelings for her but she could never be with him. Her and I were getting to be really good friends. She decided to be done with all the partying she's been doing and commit to him. This all hit me so hard I didn't really know what to think. I am so upset and feel depressed and can't stop crying. It hurts so bad because I have to lose two important people in my life to this. I just don't understand. Advice?
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male
reader, Who +, writes (11 June 2009):
 Yes it hurts. All teenagers go through what you are now; most go through it several times. It is only by going through this can you gain the experience you need to have a successful relationship. I know it is hard on you but I did not come up with this system. You asked for advice, so here is mine:
1. Keep you self occupied, preferable with other people. Hang out with other friends, join a club, play a sport, take up painting or music, something that will keep you busy for a while. Time is the only thing that cures a broken heart, but the good news is time always works. You just need to keep yourself occupied while the cure is going on.
2. Find a couple or three boys to casually date. Not get into a relationship with, commit to or go steady with, just go out and do the fun things teenagers do in your town. Note this is dating AND NOTHING ELSE. This will let you learn a few things about boys, and about what you want from a boy and from a relationship. You will need to know these things when the next boy you want to get serious with comes along.
3. Once that serious boy comes along, you will find it easy to reestablish the friendships you had with this last boy and you girl friend he now likes. Odds are they will have broken up by that time anyway.
Best of luck and hope this helps.
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