A
male
age
41-50,
*eykis101
writes:Hello people, well I discovered I was with the lowest of the low, as far as people go, my current ex, as it's sadly becoming the way I classify my love life, was sneaking around with a guy and completely unaffected by the fact that she could sleep with me, and also be falling in love with him, I don't get it, am I a pussy? do i really need to learn how to fuck around on my partner, because it seems to me I am not quite good enough for any one, girls fall in love with me, and are like totally mesmerized for a short time, then sooner or later I always seem to wear off, and I don't understand, I'm not good looking, but I'm not ugly by any standard, I try to be a very good person, though i have many flaws, I'm no expert, but something tells me, when you've been cheated on so many times that you start not feeling that sinking feeling when you find out, that isn't a good sign, when you start finding out your being cheated on and it feels like business as usual, what is happening to my emotions? are there just certain people out there(like myself) that just need to enjoy the girls being infatuated with me before it burns out, then dump them before they can cheat? I'm so confused, and I'm a pretty together guy, i don't suppose any of you have any insight for me? your really the ONLY!! people I truly have to turn to about this problem that is genuinely starting to get the best of me, thanks people. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chickpea2011 +, writes (18 November 2011):
 Hi,I know that you feel frustrated after so many failed relationships, specially when they cheat on you. It's very difficult to understand, it's very hurtful, and destroy your self confidence. Being cheated on, and betrayed by the one you love, and trust is very difficult. It will take time to heal, but you will be ok. It will get easier. You have to understand that the problem is not you! You are a normal, decent, nice guy. You are loyal to your partners, and you shouldn't blame yourself for your ex-girlfriends behavior. The truth is, unfortunately you meet the wrong girls. Cheating is in their character, some people cheat, don't feel guilty about it, and will continue doing so. It's not about being good or bad. It's not about doing the wrong thing. It's only how they are, how they live their lives. People that cheat are selfish, they probably have self esteem problems, who knows why they cheat? Bottom line, it's not you!!I know it's hard to feel good, hard to understand. I know this is affecting you mentally. Just know that things happens for a reason, and these girls were not for you. You deserve better. You deserve someone that have the same standards as you. Someone that understand respect. Don't be sad about it, it takes time to find the right girl, and eventually you will. Dating, bad experiences, it's all part of the process in finding that special someone that will love you, care about you, and respect you. When you do find that special someone, you will know how to appreciate her better... Do not give up on love, do not let these no class girls affect you. You know who you are, and that's all that matters. Stop thinking about the past, think of as a good experience, this will only make you stronger, and better person. It's the past, so why happened, doesn't matter anymore! Just be glad these people are out of your life, and you do not have to deal with them anymore. It's really just a waste of time. These girls are not worth your energy at all. Be strong, like I said, you know who you are! So never change! Just be positive, enjoy life, and when you least expect you will be in love, you will find that amazing girl. You will be happy, and then you will understand why bad things happened to you. The holidays are coming, make plans, go out have fun... New beginnings!!!Best wishes, good luck!!!!!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 November 2011):
 Why do people, especially guys on here, so often assume that because others treat them like crap they must too become idiots? How will that ever make you happy? And then what if you meet a nice girl, and you treat her like crap.. then what? You'd have blown something that could have been a great thing.
Nope, I think rather than sinking down to their level you hunt for someone who can rise to your level. It's hard, I know! Not only do they need to be nice, they also need to match you at so many levels and areas it's near impossible to find someone you can actually stick to for years without having your heart ripped out. But that's love. You either play the game and take your risks, or you step back into a life of solitude and gather a bunch of friends around you to will up your time. That's your choice.
If you aren't feeling that sinking feeling of being let down when people have let you down, I think it is a sign you have been let down too many times and are starting to take it for granted. But just because it has happened many times does not mean you need to resign. Try to fight it instead. Raise your value again. Say this isn't right!
When women stay in abusive homes they too start to get used to the abuse, and think it's normal, and don't feel the sinking feeling when they are let down. But in their case, as in your case, getting used to it does not make it right. I think cheating is a form of emotional abuse, and neglect of your partner. It leaves you without much confidence, and broken hearted, betrayed and lied to. But this just tells you how much crap those who cheat are, and it says nothing of your value! You are still valuable and important, you are still worth love and care, and deserve to find a good, faithful woman. So don't give up on that, and don't give up on yourself.
Take some time to heal now, there is no need to rush into new relationships. Get to know people at a friendly level only, until you feel strong enough, and have built up your heart enough, to dare take another try at the game of love.
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