A
female
age
41-50,
*eea
writes:My boyfriend took care of me after surgery changed bandages and drains and still does my laundry and grocery shop and makes special trips to carry stuff. He holds my hand a lot hugs me a lot for a few minutes cuddles after sex for an hour. He takes me out cooks and calls me on both his breaks and spends most free time w me. He has introduced me to fam and friends. He wants to live with me and spend a life and maybe marriage. He is very kind loves my cats and shows me he cares through action. He is not verbal about emotions he has never loved or cared for a women. I'm the first he cares about. At six months I told him I love him I felt he loved me too he said he is not there and dosent just want to say it. I brought it up at fourteen months and he is trying to figure it out. He thinks it is ok to marry me even if he dosent love me. It makes no sense does he love me and is afraid to tell why would he do so much if he didn't. Help. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, leea +, writes (15 June 2010):
leea is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply you wish I would like more replys as well. Also I wanted to know if u think I should give it more time. He knows its an issue and that I won't move in with him until he says it. He also knows I would like more verbal valadation. I said to him I want to feel or know u adore and cherish me and he says I do u don't know that I spend all my time with u and I said I don't know or assume it unless u say it. I have never said I love u first except to him and I said it because I assume he loved me I felt it. Also I should metion he spent 18 years in prison so shbould I be more patient and give him to two years and move on. Or is it not important what he says as long as he shows it. What's your view.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (15 June 2010):
 He has commitment issues. Saying "I love you" to him is an emotional vulnerability that he is scared of. Saying "I love you" also triggers a lot of responsibilities he may not yet want.
HOWEVER, for him to do all this for you in your time of need shows me that he does in fact love you. However, it's not enough not to say it. He wants to live with you and possibly marry you? That takes love, and it takes him SAYING it.
I know what I'm about to say is too late, but for anyone reading this in any situation, and for you in the future, never NEVER be the first to say "I love you". After 6 months, it should be kinda clear whether you love someone or not, so it's not like it's 2 weeks from when you dated. 14 months, holy cats!
You can't force him to love you. You have a choice - either be content with him not loving you and never ever saying he loves you, or go find someone who WILL say he loves you. This guy has serious emotional and commitment issues, though he's good at demonstrating love.
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