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female
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*arksGurl09
writes: Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 7 months. I lost my virginity to him because I really do love him. He lost his to his ex who at one time he thought he really loved. But she broke up with him. It makes me sad... mad and even depressed whenever I see her because I think about him loving her and having sex with her every time I look at her. And every time I think of it. He tells me that if he could take it back he would but he cant. And at the time he thought he would spend the rest of his life with her. Should I feel the way I do? Please help me by answering my question.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 December 2005): I know exactly how you feel, and it seems that some of us girls are writing exactly the same things on this site! I completely empathise with you, but I think that when people say it's in the past, we should really accept that it is. I know it's hard to agree with the people who are lucky enough to be able to say this, when you're feeling all these doubts and 'what ifs' and 'if onlys', but I'm sure that if your boyfriend could have looked into the future he would have waited for you. This is a sure sign that what he feels for you is real love. My boyfriend lost his virginity in the worst way possible (I have posted on this site - something about 'I'm obsessing over how my boyfriend lost his virginity...', and it's in the virginity section. I know you probably want your boyfriend to never have loved this girl, to not think about her, to not see the losing of his virginity as something good, but if he felt this way at one point, he can't help it - he doesn't feel like that anymore! He loves you now, and the longer you stay together, the more he will realise what he has with you is better than anything he could ever have with anybody else. This is one thing my boyfriend has assured me of, and I know he deeply regrets his past. Talk to him, and explain that you love him, but just can't accept the past at the moment. With time it will go away. Reading other people's similar posts on this site has really helped me, and I think I'm going to be able to forget the past. I don't think I would ever find the perfect guy if I left him - he's almost perfect, apart from this silly flaw that I know if have no real right to bully him for. What's important is that he loves you and you love him, and you've got eachother now.
Good luck.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (26 August 2005):
 Many of us have pasts, some of us regret those pasts. The thing is, it is the past, it isn't the present and it isn't the future but the past can affect both of these if we let them.
You lost your virginity to your boyfriend but he had already lost his before. He hasn't done anything wrong and you need to let it go and concentrate on what you both have now. If you can't do this, your thoughts and feelings could have a detrimental effect on your future together.
Your boyfriend has reassured you and he shouldn't have to do anymore than that. He can't take back what has happened.
In order for you to let go of the way you feel, think about your boyfriend in the present tense. Think about why you love him and what you do together. Think about what you could do together in the future.
Reassure him today that you are letting the past go. It is irrelevant to the two of you and look towards the future.
I hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Anastasia  +, writes (26 August 2005):
 Sweetheart..wake up! This is life. Not everyone you meet is going to pristine clean for you to sleep with. Think of it ....if God forbids you and this guy break up...think of if you would appreciate the next guy you are with to be bothered and hurt because you did not save your virginity for him. Just by this letter alone...I know you are very young. You need to grow up a bit...this is the least of your worries...right now you should be worrying about using protection or being on the pill now that you are sexually active. Get over it...fact is...he is with you now..not her.
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