A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:lHello. This is my last resort, I feel so low at the moment. I'm a single child and my mum and dad are currently in the midst of a huge row which seems certain to end in seperation. I'm 17 years old and will be 18 in a few months, that doesn't make things any easier. Anyway, my mum seems to be convinced with the idea that my Dad is having an affair. My Dad has shown us all of his texts and accounts for where he is going all of the time. This is not stopping my mum pursuing the matter. Several times over the last few months she has accused him of cheating which angers and hurts my Dad deeply. After a short time we have talked and she has agreed that she was overreacting and apologised - while he has said sorry for all the nasty things he has also said in the argument. About 5 times this has happened, today it happened again, with my mum publically confronting my Dad in his work and storming out, as that is where she believes the affair is going on. I've seen neither of them yet, but my Dad is saying on the phone that he can't live with my Mum and intends to get his stuff and move to his parents house tonight, while My mum is adamant that he is - in her words a "lying cheating b*******" and that in the past she has only pretended to accept my dads innocence for me. I should add I have been trying to help them and between all of these arguments we have had a couple of good times with them going out and being happy together.I should add, that my mum has been through a lot, she has had cancer in 2003 and we all got through it together, recently she has went off a hormone drug and all of this has happened. My parents have been married 21 years and been together for over 24 years, I know that some may say I can do nothing but I would hate to see their marraige end over something which seems to not exist. I love them both very deeply and would worry very much about both of their fates - particuarly my mums should they split. I suppose I have a couple of questions; Is there anything I can do to stop their marraige falling apart? If they should split as I expect, can anyone give me a 'heads up' on what it would be like? I know you can't force people to stay together but I don't know, I can't give up on them. Hopefully typing this will make me feel better as I don't think that I have anyone who I can tell this to. Thanks for taking the time out to read this and any suggestions would be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2008): Hi, I'm sorry to hear about what's happenin right now. I know you don't want to hear it, but there really isn't a lot you can do at the minute. Could you maybe talk to your Mum and convince her nothing's going on, or ask your Dad what's making your Mum think that way? I'm no expert, but I can tell you what parent's splitting is like. I'm 15 years old, and my parent's split a couple of years ago, because they argued too much and came to understand they couldn't be happy if they were together. They still love eachother even now, but they're happier without eachother. It's a worrying concept, but I still see My Mum and Dad, and even though you want them to stay together, if they don't then at least you know that they still love you. I hope you can chat with your parents, good luck with this :)
A
female
reader, Unhappyinlove  +, writes (12 July 2008):
Hi sweetie, I'm very sorry about your situation. My parents got divorced 2 years ago after 23 years of marriage. I am their only child, and I was 19 at the time of the divorce. That being said, I can relate to what you are going through. I find it interesting that this started when your mom stopped taking her hormone therapy. Since you are male, it can be hard for you to relate to the profound effects hormones can have on female emotions. Is this something you alone have observed, or have your mom and dad noticed the correlation as well? If they haven't, it would probably be worthwhile for you to attempt to sit down and discuss it with your parents, if that is an option. Your mom may not have realized that her behavior could somehow be affected by the change in her hormones. Sometimes we need someone else to open our eyes to our faults. As for your dad, he doesn't sound like a man having an affair to me. If he were confrontational about the situation I might think differently, but from what you have said about him, he seems very open and willing to work things out. I can understand him wanting to leave as well if your mom has become intolerable. As a woman, I know how much we can dish out, and men can only take so much of it! It's hard to be accused of something you are innocent of. Unfortunately, if your parents do decide to separate, I would not encourage you to try to keep them from doing so. It is their decision, and trying to step in will only cause more drama than is already going to be taking place. It will be hard, no doubt. If you are an only child, as I assume you are, it will be even harder for you than a person with siblings because you alone will hear both sides of the argument in event of a divorce. I am not trying to frighten you, but I speak from personal experience. To this day, I am stuck in the middle of my mom and dad. I have to sneak to my dad's house to see him because my mom gets terribly upset if she knows I am talking to him (something you should know- my dad is remarried to the woman that was my mom's best friend). It is suffocating, emotionally damaging, and quite frankly, unfair, since I am the only one dealing with being in the middle of it. But life, of course is not fair, and you learn to deal with things. Just be prepared for heartache, tears, and despair, from your parents and yourself. I know that is sad advice, but it's the best I have. It will not be easy. I wish you luck and I hope I have helped you some.
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