A
female
age
36-40,
*ananaMuffin
writes:Dear Cupid,Please help! I'm a student and I live away from my boyfriend of 8 months, although we get to see each other every six weeks. I have known him for six years and we became lovers after I broke up with his best friend. My problem however is unrelated.I cannot stop thinking about him, typical of anyone in love, right? This was lovely in the first six month honeymoon period, I would think about how great we got along and other nice things. Not any more.I went back to see him about two months ago and everything seemed to be going well. He suffers from very bad migraines, which he gets twice a day, which I feel terrible about but cannot really help him with. He has had the full lot of medical treatment including MRI scans. Unfortunately they cannot help him and so this is a problem that doesn't look like it is going to resolve itself in the forseeable future. We were laying in bed one morning and he seemed slightly different: rather than laying entertwined as usual, he seemed reluctant to touch me. He suddenly came out with "Can you go away for a bit?" Shocked, I didn't question him and left the house and wandered around his neighbourhood in rather a state. I knew his migraines put him in a depressed/agitated mood sometimes, and so after pulling myself together I acted as if it hadn't affected me. Everything was going well, until it suddenly happened again. This time I was determined to find out why and so, still shocked we had a chat about it. He told me that he felt as if I didn't help with his migraines in the same way I used to when we were first together, and that they seemed to be worse when I was around. After a long chat that night we made up; he even told me that he thinks that he loves me more than I do him. After this making up we seemed closer than ever, spending a lovely weekend together.This is not the only problem however. Recently he has not been sending me such frequent emails or text messages, even not replying to a text altogether which he never would have done before. Instead of thinking constantly about how great he is, the thoughts I cannot get out of my head are full or anxiety and insecurity, even of breaking up with him. I would prefer to talk to him face to face and so will broach the subject when he comes to visit. Until then I would love to get these thoughts out of my head, I'm sure my friends will start to get bored of me talking about him all the time! I also worry for my mental health, it is taking me hours to get to sleep at night.Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2008): Eight months is not really all that long to be in a relationship and now you are long distance yet still have the opportunity to see each other...Long distance relationships are hard, and yours sounds as if it has some challenges. That said, just keep doing what you are doing and keep the lines of communication open with your boyfriend...tell him it isn't a competition of who loves more, it is a partnership and that you want to be able to feel safe enough in your relationship to say anything and ask anything, tell him you worry when he doesn't text back and perhaps you should agree not to text as it can be an unreliable technology also sets us up for expecting that immediate gratification...human beings today can't wait for anything any more and become anxious even depressed with this intermittant kind of reinforcement...schedule a time each week or several when you can actually speak on the phone or video chat or what ever you kids do now days....if it would make you feel better, agree to date other people while you are apart, no lovers, but friends are OK....allow some personal space and freedom along with trust and open communication and focu on your studies, your own life, not on taking care of him and you will feel more like your self in no time. You can't control the course of this relationship, just take it a day at a time and remember it has to stay on the back burner if you are going to achieve youg goals at school...Take care.
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