A
male
age
41-50,
*onaldo
writes:Hi there.For the past year or so I have been involved in the internet dating scene. I never thought I would be someone to do it but I've actually met one or two really nice people through it.About two months ago I got chatting to a girl who lives not too far away from me. She is 6 years younger than me but that didn't seem a problem because we hit it off straight away. After only a couple of weeks chatting we arranged to meet and we were both really excited.We met and things went well, although things did feel awkward but I guess that goes with the territory of online dating? She called me up the next day to meet her and a couple of her friends and I did. I didn't want to play 'dating games.' We got on even better and we in fact had our first 'heart to heart.' She told me that in her only two relationships she had been cheated on both times, once for the entire 3 year duration, and that she found it hard to trust any man! I felt I needed to assure her that I wasn't looking for a fling and that I'd like to get to know her better.For the next four weeks we saw each other around three times a week. She stayed at my house a few times and we did sleep together on several occasions. When we were out she was very affectionate with me, though sometimes it felt only more so when she'd had a few drinks, but I guess that's normal?However, the past week she seemed to be a little more distant with me. She'd still text and call but I knew something was wrong. Then, yesterday, after we'd aranged to meet the day before, she decided to tell me that she thought it wasn't going to work between us. She told me by text message which really hurt, as did her reason, that we were two different people.I'm upset because of the way she did it and confused as to why she offered such a poor excuse. She said she tried but the more she did, the more wrong it felt.I know she cares about me and I believe her when she says that. I wanted to see her one last time but don't think I can, or that she wants that, not yet anyway. She wants to be friends and I don't want her out of my life for good.I don't think I could ever be myself around her because I wasn't sure where I stood or what she truly wanted from me. I guess that should of told me something wasn't right as she said. I'm sure she likes me and finds me attractive, but I also think she couldn't bring herself to trust me enough to let me into her life. Maybe I was too nice and a bit clingy at times? But that was only because I was keen to make a good impression.I've tried telling myself that she just had too many demons in her past to ever let me in and that I did my best. I think too that she was conscious of the fact I would pay for everything because she had no job at the time. I would rather believe it is her issues and not me that caused this scenario but I'm probably being foolish.It just hurts that she didn't think enough of me to tell me the real truth and to my face. I don't want to think bad of her and If something isn't right you have to end it. I just don't accept the reason she gave but should I seek further explanation? Or just save mysef the heartache and move on?Thankyou for reading.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2008): She may have trust issues. Having recently been cheated on myself i know that i could not even dream of starting a relationship with someone else right now. Its been four months since i found out ex was cheating, maybe she is not long out of her last relationship? If its not the trust issue then its probably a case of just not feeling there was enough connection between you to start a serious relationship. I would just move on if i was you .
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