A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm having issues with my mom. When I was younger, I was in a serious long distance relationship which in turn made me a hermit almost all throughout high school. Eventually, I moved to be with him and I was still a hermit due to the fact that I had almost no friends and usually did everything he wanted me to. Well, we are broken up now and I have moved back home. For nearly five years of my young adult life I experienced almost nothing. And I lost a lot of friends because of it. Now that I am single, 20, and enjoying life I like to go out with friends on a daily/nightly basis. I still live with my mom. And she gets pissed at me because apparently I don't spend enough time at home, with her. Don't get me wrong, I love my mom. And I enjoy spending time with her. But I don't like sitting around at home with her all day and night when I'd much rather be out with my friends. I also don't like to just sit around and be lazy at home. I like being out of the house, doing something active and enjoying time with my friends. Now, today I spent the entire day with her and some family for Thanksgiving minus a couple hours I spent with my dad. By the time it was 1:30 a.m. I had had it with sitting around all day and wanted to go out for a bit. She got pissed. I don't know what to do. I'm 20 years old and I feel like I'm entitled to having some freedom. It seems like no matter what I do, I can't seem to make her happy. I try to spend time with her before and after having spent time with friends because I do like being around her and making her happy, just not all the time. I feel as though it's completely unfair for her to deny me my freedom and rights as an adult. Basically, I am trying to decide whether I should just move out or try making a compromise. What should I do?
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (26 November 2010):
PS. I think it is a bit rich/melodramatic of you to say your mother is denying your "freedom and rights as an adult" if you still live in her house and are no longer a child. You need to look at the bigger picture a bit I think.
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (26 November 2010):
I think we need more details about what you do.
You say you don't like sitting around the house all day and all night being lazy- that's fair enough. But are you actually free everyday?
Do you work and contribute to the bills/running of the house?
Do you do cleaning/tidying/cooking/washing, and basically pull your weight around the house?
Are you studying?
You don't give us any of these details.
Your mum might be sensitive to the fact that you are using the house as a hotel, but not contributing anything. As I say, without more details I can't really comment on that. But, you are an adult and you should be able to do as you please. HOWEVER, as you live under her roof- well, you know how it goes.
If you are seriously considering moving out then I would suggest you actually sit down and TALK to your mum about this before you make a decision. If you don't know why she is doing this then it will be hard to make the right decision.
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