A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't even know where to begin. I met someone online because well I was tired of trying all the traditional methods or ways. Well the guy I starting talking to is in another state. He has asked me to move several times and I just wasn't ready to and he is unable to move where I live due to having children. Well we finally told each other that we love each other. I do want to be there but every time there is a bump or disagreement his response is to say basically forget it you wont move here I can just tell. Then recently one night out of nowhere he tells me that if we get married he wants to be a small destination wedding when casually weddings had been discussed before and having never been married I wanted to have a traditional wedding with family and friends and since he has been married I got the response of well I have done the wedding thing before and its all about the bride because you are all selfish and dont want to include the guy in the process. I was blown away and taken by surprise by the whole arguement seeing as how we are in different states and not even engaged yet. The arguement ends with him hanging up on me and then telling me I'm like every other woman and that he knows I wont move and just to forget it. I spent the rest of the night baffled and hurt by why this arguement even took place. Then I decide that I should go out to see him like we had also talked about and looked for days I can take off work and gave him both sets of dates and I get in response to one I will be out of town and to the second Im on call. When before it was always if you were here no matter what I would be there at the airport. Then I tell him that I am willing to move there to be there with him and the response I get is to quit pushing and just let things happen. When prior to this every time we talked he was always asking me to move telling me he wanted me there. I am baffled and confused at the turn of the tide and have no idea what happened. I feel like he has done a 180 and I have no idea what happened or what may have caused this. He used to tell me he loved me and missed me now he seems cold and tells me I'm pushing and to just let things happen when less than a week ago was talking about picking out a ring. Can anyone offer any insight to why I feel like I got run over by a bus with this?
View related questions:
engaged, wedding Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010): Hello, I'm sorry I can't make this more personal, you don't put a name, however, after reading your message, I feel very concerned for you, as you appear to have built a totally ' VIRTUAL' relationship with a man online you know absolutely nothing about, apart from him being controlling with a split personality. Please, please STEP back for just a minute, you are planning to marry a man, MOVE to another state when you have not even met and spent any time getting to know each other. The fact is, online dating is notorious for people ( sadly in particular for men) to lie about age, who they are, and even more common, to be married where they create virtual relationships behind the safety of a computer.From YOUR message he is not showing any consideration for you or your feelings, and this hot and cold treatment is well known with people who are controlling, and in real life dating, commonly known as a TOXIC DATER, as one minute they're all over you, then the next, back off. These people are also unlikely to allow you into their life, see where they live, meet friends, family etc. Which is what I note from your message, now you say you will move ( Please don't) he is saying don't push. Before anyone commits to someone for marriage they must MEET and DATE for some time from their own living spaces, to allow for the real person to surface and to know what you really have in common to build foundations for the future. Via a computer and emails, is no way to build a lasting relationship, especially IF the signs before meeting the person with whom your communicating, is swinging from one direction to another so quickly. Be more assertive about getting to know this person if you must continue communicating, but please don't make any decisions to move on the basis of a virtual connection. Being in-love, or feeling strongly towards someone, whether virtually or not can sometimes cloud our judgement, nevertheless it can be painful, as I'm sure it is for you, so please think very carefully.Jilly x
|
