A
male
age
41-50,
*ancock
writes:*Op's own title*Okay its like this, i have been in a relationship with this girl for 4 and half years now, i was working abroad in Malaysia for the first 2 years and we were together, for the past few years i visited reguarly from UK to malaysia to see and we were talking about now to get married.the latest visit i did was November and i stayed there for 7 weeks till mid Jan, i asked her parents for her blessing, the relationship has been tough and she is lonely i am lonely, its come to a stage where is due to visit in the next two weeks to.she booked this trip in March, she had a tough week at work around the last week of march then she attended a wedding, something triggered her off as people must have been asking her when the marriage, since beginning of april she now saying she does not feel the same anymore about this relationship.from the beginning of april i gave her space for a week and then i wrote her a email just opening my heart to her and really telling her that i would do anything, she wrote back and said that she wants to work things through but i can tell she is frustrated in the email and she said that its all words and no actions, thinks i have taken her for granted and why i have taken so long to do the proposal.i would have done this last year but a close family member to me passed away, never the less i made the effort to go over, i called her middle of this week and we talked and she has agreed to come over so we can sit and talk and work things out if there is a relationship to salvaged this was in the middle of the week. Then today just talked again with her she is not to say cold but there is no feeling in her voice to me, we talked again today, and she is saying she will give other people a chance so as to say if a guy shows interest and she likes him she will give him a chance, but she is also giving me a chance one last shot i should say as to speak.i have the engagement ring with me to give to her but i guess i need to really prove and be sincere on how i can really salvage this relationship , by her coming over is she making a statement that she still wants to make it work ..i really want to save this relationship, she wont txt me or anything. i said i will call her once a day for now, she said to me do what u want..I have a lot of building and making up to do if i am to win her over, she said she is coming with an open mind and that not pressure her , i wont pressure her ..but i also need her to come in the right frame of mind of her wanting to make it work otherwise what is the point..Can this relationship be saved
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2010): MOST Malaysian women,(not all) are all in it for the money, don't wanna put a dampener on your relationship, but thats just ho it is!. You say she is making threats about letting others have a chance etc, what's to say this woman doesn't already have someone, because as you say she speaks as if she doesn't care about you etc. If you are still considering marriage, bring about the idea of a pre-nup and see what the reaction is, that should answer all, because I for wouldn't care if my husband had money, as long as he loved and respected me!.
A
male
reader, Hancock +, writes (18 April 2010):
Hancock is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Laura ..i am keeping the communication but is it normal for to be this way so quiet and all until she reaches here and we sort things out ..i am the one doing the calling, i do care for her deeply i hope that she realises this by me calling, i hope that she does still love me even though she says her feeling have changed for the relationship, i can only wait and see till she gets here.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (18 April 2010):
 You are taking the right approach and I think you will be able to save this relationship.
Best of luck to you !
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A
male
reader, Hancock +, writes (18 April 2010):
Hancock is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaura I am calling her once a day even though
sometimes she may see my call and not take it,
I don't talk about sorting out things as I don't
want to do this over the phone, but you one call
a day is okay, I called her today and we just talked
about what each other was upto, she has not told
her parents what the situation is, I call her mum and dad
regularly as I get on well with them. I don't talk abt
this to them as it's a thing that me and her need to
sort out, I also wish her goodnite just before
going to sleep via a simple txt,
I forgot to mention
in my first post I would done this proposal last year
but my grandma who lived with tragically died, I was
an emotional wreck but I still made the effort. Laura I was thinking
to send her some flowers this week it's her last week
at work before she flies over, pray that the euro airspace
opens up.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (18 April 2010):
You should not lay of communicating with her daily because this will show to her that you care about her dearly and is thinking of her always.This is woman's love language.
She needs a lot of reassurance of your love and validate her thoughts.
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A
male
reader, Hancock +, writes (18 April 2010):
Hancock is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell called her today, she talks to me but
just like a normal person, I know this can only
be resolved in person, i was advised that I
should lay off from communicating with
her for a lil while, but when u been talking
to someone everyday u just can't stop
caring, i don't ask her about sorting things
out coz I don't want to do this on the phone.
Face to face and both parties have to want
this in order to resolve this, but I am calling her
to keep the communication, her flight still
scheduled, hopefully this volcanic ash will clear.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): good luck!! you'll be fine (:
tell her everything that you feel.
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A
male
reader, Hancock +, writes (17 April 2010):
Hancock is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLaura you are right, i have deliver on the promises i make to her, there is no room for messing up, i have to really show my sincerity and love for her so that she is convinced, i will listen to her and accomodate her wishes, i do owe her an apology for taking so long ..
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 April 2010):
She is coming over to see for herself if you really meant what you said.
Good luck to you .Hope and pray everything will come out fine.
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A
male
reader, Hancock +, writes (17 April 2010):
Hancock is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn response to the last answer i am ready to do what she wants ..i have told her that i dont want to do long distance relationship anymore ..we will talk and agree on things but i said i will move there if it means to be with her or we do a registry wedding soon so that she can come to uk..i talked with her today ..she is still the same, she will talk but not show her feelings ..understandable as this is difficult until we meet face to face..the fact she is willing to still come over is my last shot to fix this..i cant blow this chance
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2010): i don't know.it's hard, if your always away.she wants to be married to you but probably can't see any further than tomorrow because your not with her to plan any of it or talk about it face to face.just keep trying (: she'll see sensegood luck
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (17 April 2010):
If she is willing to come over to talk it over,there is still hope. She is kindda disillusioned with you and you need to set her right and do what you need to do for her.Find out what she wants and try to accommodate her wishes.
She has given this relationship 4&1/2 years and I am sure she won't just walk out on you .
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