A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my husband for 12 years now, we have a son together, we have been very happy all these years. My husband is very affectionate with me, he adores everything I do at home or work. I have my own business and he helps me in every way he can. I think most women would be blessed to have him as a husband. Our sex life is absolutely amazing. Two years go I met a guy through business who became my business associate. He is married and has children. We became really good friends, we go out as couples and etc. I like him a lot because we are very much alike. We have the same interests, ideas, business approach and etc. I enjoyed spending time with him until 2 months ago It became more than friendship, he started giving me gifts and flowers and calls me "beautiful" all the time. He compliments me in front of everyone. I feel that he is attracted to me. I became very depressed, I feel like I lost a good friend... I then suddenly became attracted to him but it is a different kind of attraction. It is not sexual, I love my husband and enjoy our life together, I don't understand why am I attached to this guy? Is it purely intellectual or it is a platonic love? It really hurts. I want to spend time with him, I am waiting for his e-mails, phone calls and etc.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (28 June 2010):
 There is such a thing as platonic love, so it may be that from your side. Sometimes we just like spending time with another person without sex coming into the picture and since society has trained us to believe that platonic love does not exist, we confuse it with lust or romantic love.
There's nothing wrong with having a friend. I also realize that it would not be easy to cut of all ties with him as easily as some other posters have suggested, given that he is a business partner of yours as well.
Are YOU clear on whom you love? If you are, and you are secure in those feelings, you should just ensure to make it amply clear to your 'friend' that you and he will never be anything more than that, and stick to it.
As you said, you're "attached" to him. As long is it's your husband towards whom you feel "love" and "attraction", you should be OK.
A
female
reader, RUPrincess  +, writes (28 June 2010):
From what you’ve said your husband clearly adores you, but not once did you mention that you love him. I am assuming that you do, but that may be something to think about. That aside, you’ve been with the same person for twelve years, that’s a long time, and I think it’s honestly ok to be flattered when other men take interest in you, and to find yourself attracted to other men. However, is that lust just lust or more than lust? Do you want to act upon your lust for this other man? I think it’s safe to say that this is not simply a platonic friendship. Decide what you want out of this. Is it worth risking a your marriage over? Remember it’s not just you and him involved, it’s your husband, your son, his wife and his children, maybe even more.
If you decide that this guy isn’t worth it, then it would be advisable to stop having contact with him, change your numbers, block him from your email etc. It may hurt initially but keep reminding yourself why you did it. If it’s the friendship your after try to find some like-minded people that you will not be attracted to, local classes, clubs or groups. Try not to put yourself in a similar position to the one you are in currently.
However, if you do decide he is worth it, then it would be wise to really think it through. Take a girly weekend away to think, write a list, talk to a close friend (not the other man though), just make sure that this is the primary thing you want. However, don’t keep fooling yourself, if it’s what you want, tell your husband. Honesty is always the best policy when it comes to separation.
Finally, if you think you may have had- or have depression please speak to your doctor as soon as possible. Depression is very common and easily treatable with counseling and medication; just remember you are not alone. This may even be something you wish to talk to your husband about if you feel the need.
Good luck and I hope everything works out for you.
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