A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Serious Boyfriend problems need some help please?I have a major boy friend problem and need help. I've been with my partner for 4 years. On Saturday night we had a massive row and on Sunday morning we discussed it and in temper I told him it was over. He said fine. I didn't mean and I tried to tell him that but he won't listen. The problem is I own the house he has no where to go so he is sleeping on my couch. On Sunday night I begged him to come into bed and he said it was over and we were better off. Yesterday I sent him a text from work telling him I loved him and wanted to sort things out. On Monday when I got home we were civil to each other and he fell asleep. I left a note for him before I went to bed telling him I loved him and wanted him to come to bed with me but he didn't. Last night he came home from work full of the chat about work and then just sat down and watched the match. I went off to bed and that was it. Nothing more has been said.I don't know how to fix this situation. He is still on my couch and I want to sort things out but I don't know if he is playing games or he really does want it to finish. I mean if he really wanted out of the relationship then he could find somewhere to stay.Can some one give me some advice to what is going on here. thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Hi, Anon; sorry for the troubles you two are having.
No, I don't think this is over yet or yes, he'd either have moved out or would be making arrangements. I believe he simply needs a bit of time apart from you for a while; he still feels too badly about the fight to be comfortable sleeping with you.
I suggest you say something like this, calmly and lovingly, next time he wants to sleep on the couch: "Honey, I respect your need for a bit of time apart from me, I know that last fight was really rough. I'm NOT pressing you here - I just want you to know that you're more than welcome whenever you'd like to sleep with me again, and that doesn't have to be about sex, either - just sleeping and snuggling up with you would mean the world to me. I'm NOT saying I'm OK with your sleeping out here - I'd rather you were with me - but I don't want to press you on this when you're not comfortable. Come to me when you're ready, I'll be here :-)".
Keep talking with him, watch the matches etc with him, I think he'll come around, he just needs to know you won't be attacking him again. Best of luck :-).
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (2 April 2009):
 I'd give it some more time then have another discussion.
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