A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Yesterday I attended a friend's birthday party and ran into my long-term ex girlfriend and her new(ish) partner. We were together for many years and hadn't seen each other in quite a while. We knew each other would be attending but her partner hadn't been invited so it was a bit of a shock to see them both there. I held it together pretty well and had a good polite chat with the new b.f. - he seems like a nice guy (if spookily similar to me in all but looks) and I wish them well. But I was really hurt by the fact that it was obvious my ex had absolutely no interest in talking to me whatsoever. It's not like we ended acrimoniously or that I've done anything to deserve the silent treatment(!) She ended it with me. Perhaps I'm being a bit over-sensitive but I just thought maybe she might ask me how everything's going and at least be nice, but she basically blanked me the entire evening - a bit awkward as she was pretty much sitting opposite me.Is this usual? It's made me feel horrible to think that after so many years together, I'm obviously not even worth a casual conversation. Her friends made the effort to chat and it was great to see them - they seemed a bit embarrassed by her behaviour. Anyhow, I feel pretty down about the whole experience today. Guess I'm not as over her as I thought. Any tips on how to pick yourself up and just get on with life? How do you get over the feeling of slight inadequacy after meeting her new partner?Thanks
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 June 2013):
 You didn't run into her. You were put together in the same table.
You know when you talk to an ex with a long time of silence, it will be awkward. It won't just be a casual how are you. You will be looking for signs that she still has feelings for you, or whether she still wants to stay in touch. Even politeness could be taken as caring. Ideally the relationship ends when you break up but sadly people hang on to past memories as if a meaningful conversation now means that she had loved you and not wasted your time.
There is a possibility that feelings came back for her too, once she saw you and that's why she had to avoid you. If that's the case she was being appropriate because no one needs to remind her new partner that you and her were once an item.
More sociable people would be able to hold a conversation and hide any awkwardness, and she's not one of them, or she does not feel a need to appease other people to prevent them from feeling embarrassed.
You pick yourself up by realizing that there is a partner for everyone, and it is a bit unrealistic to expect every girl to want to be with you, just like you can't like every girl.
She didn't talk to you not because you are a nobody. You probably had been an important person who enriched her life somehow. It's that she didn't know how to handle a new partner and an ex at the same table, and could not change tables therefore feeling stuck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2013): Perhaps it wasn't her own decision to ignore you. For all you know her boyfriend might be a behind-closed-doors control freak who is insecure about her ex's and would have made her life hell if she had talked to you. You just don't know why.Honestly, her silence and aversion to you speaks more than any words she could have said to you. She was VERY aware you were there and cared enough about your presence to ignore you.Something was going on that you were not aware of, so don't take it too personally.
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