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female
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anonymous
writes: Someone please help me...I am in pain emotionally.I am getting married in a few months time and I am supposed to be happy but I am confused.There is this guy in the office whom I met when I started work last year. There is some physical attraction though I won’t say he is my type really. The thing is that he likes me and makes it known. I realised I may have subconsciously/consciously led him on through my friendly behaviour. The problem is that I keep thinking about him nowadays constantly, hoping to meet him and talk to him, yet I know that I don’t really like him.I know and love my fiancee but I don’t know whether its pre wedding stress that makes mefeel this way. Recently my fiancee has some problems with my family and it saddens me. Sometimes I think about that guy at work and want to run away to him even though I know it's wrong..I feel so troubled, especially my wedding is drawing near and I am thinking about another guy. What should I do?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2007): im in a similar situation! before i met my fiance, so over 3 years ago now, i was really really close firneds with this guy called Jay and i really loved him but we both had b/fs and g/fs although i didn't love my b/f at the time (u know how it is when ur young!) anyway we spent a whole day together once and i loved it so much i desparatley wanted him as my b/f but he didnt really want me anymore. anyway i moved on, still briefly stayed in touch now and again but we havent spoke for nearly 3 years now and it was just the other day i started to miss him. ive realised what marriage is as in may i will be starting a new life, married life which is a huge step and although i dont want Jay in a ssexual way, i just want to speak to him and maybe meet him for an hour and chat. i really loved him although he hurt me and i can't wait to get married, but we were so close. in my new life as a married woman i will be leaving a lot of my life behind, but Jay is one thing that i want to have in my life still, not in an affair way, just as a friend you know. and the other day i found myself crying me eyes out for over an hour because all i want is to speak to him again. then again if it wasn't for him hurting me, i wouldn't have got over him ad met my fiance! so i also just want to meet him to thank him! but i can't stop thinkin bout him and what things might have been with us together because i could have been so good for him and he knew that. maybe this is just the pressure of marriage gettin to me and realisin its a new life. im sure ill get over this by next week! but for now its killin me 2 think about him like this.
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (1 October 2005):
 It sounds to me like you're unsure about getting married right now, and fixating on the guy at work gives you a fantasy outlet in which everything that's bothering you disappears.
You're smart to recognise this, but now you have to take things that next step further and speak to your fiance about the way you're feeling. You may actually need to defer your wedding plans for a little while, until you're more comfortable. After all, a wedding date is fairly arbitrary, anyway, and if it conflicts with personal and domestic problems between the involved parties, it only makes logical sense to adjust that date.
Don't tell your fiance that you're attracted to a guy at work, obviously. But do talk to him soon. Tell him that the wedding date seems to be coming up awfully fast, and that, while you want to marry him, the difficulties that you're both working through are making you wonder if marrying very soon is a good idea. Reassure him that you love him and only want to make sure that you start out your lives together in the best possible way.
Then consider some pre-marital counselling. It can be really helpful to recognise ways that each of you acts that can be a source of friction to the other, or to family.
As to the guy at work, please recognise it for what it is: a workplace crush. It will likely go away as soon as you and your fiance correct the problems you're having now. Anytime you find yourself thinking about your workmate in a non-professional way, remember that you love your fiance and that the workmate isn't your "type". Workplace crushes come and go, and the very worst choice you can make is to act on them.
Good luck.
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