A
female
age
41-50,
*lowertogo2
writes:I'd really appreciate anyone's opinions!I met guy accidentally by the last possible way I'd ever thought I'd meet someone: on Craigslist. I wasn't looking to even get into a relationship...I was just looking for another person (male or female, in the strictly platonic section) to go to a concert with that was, at the time, months away. This was a very spontaneous idea, as I had never posted something like this before on a site like that, but I figured, "What the heck! The people are replying to an anonymous post and I don't even have to respond to any of them." The whole reason I even thought about making such a post is that my life is unbelievably busy with school (my program meets 40hrs/week in class) and work, so I just figured it was an easy way to find another Jimmy Buffet fan. :)So, when I initially received this guy's email (in February of this year), he included a picture of himself and a well written email, interesting enough for me to respond. After exchanging a few emails and pictures, we found out that we shared many of the same interests and both had super busy schedules. (He has a growing business that keeps him quite busy.) The fact that he and I shared common interests, ideas, and busy schedules made me even more interested in him, but being the skeptic I can be, I took everything with a grain of salt. After all, I was just looking for a concertgoer and knew that people can make themselves out to be something else over the Internet.We decided to meet up at a public place prior to the concert date. Personally, I wanted to do this just to make sure that he wasn't psycho and maybe he wanted to do the same. Well, we met at a deli for lunch and had a GREAT conversation, probably due to the fact that we had so much in common! We both couldn't stop talking about how "by chance" our meeting even was--I mean what are the odds that you meet someone the way we did?! Additionally, we mutually agreed that it was really great meeting someone who totally understands the difficulties of our busy schedules.We then met for dinner about a week later and again had a great conversation. ...And again, I left thinking, "This is too good to be true!" About a week after that, he came over a couple of times to my apartment to watch movies and just hang out. He told me he was extremely attracted to me, which was quite exciting because I'm totally attracted to him as well and by our second movie night, we were having sex.So the concert was this past weekend and as usual we had a lot of fun. By now, you may be thinking, "So what's your question?" Well, here's the catch:He runs soccer training programs 9 months out of the year in Texas (where I live currently) and 3 months in the summer in Alaska. He left for Alaska on May 30th and will be back in Texas at the start of September. As such, I'm still kinda keeping the whole idea of a relationship with this guy open for now and just wait to see what will happen in September when he returns. Does this sound like a plan? He seems very genuine in that he isn't just constantly flooding me with compliments or other ways to impress me, yet he has expressed on several occasions how he is attracted to me and has also on several occasions been the first to call, text, or suggest an activity to do together. He comes across as someone who is very comfortable with who he is and isn't going to rush into a relationship just to be in one.One thing I'm kind of wondering about though is this: When I was at his apartment, he didn't really ask me to stay the night, yet we did have sex. (It was the first time I was at his apartment and he did have to go to a training session at 11am the next morning.) I mentioned this to one of my girlfriends, and she thinks I'm overanalyzing and I very well could be. Guys (if there are any out there reading this), what's your opinion? I'd really appreciate your thoughts! Again, I haven't had any gut feelings that this guy is just looking for sex (and I HAVE experienced a relationship like that in the past--horrible!!!)So, overall, based on what I've said here, do you think this guy is interested in an actual relationship? I'd appreciate any opinions because I'm extremely attracted to the guy, both physically and intellectually, and I think this may only bias my personal opinion!!! Don't know if this makes any difference, but there is a 6 year age difference: he's 38 and I'm 32. This is not an issue for me and apparently not for him either.UPDATE: We text each other about once a week. During the first few weeks he was in Alaska, he would initiate the texting. However, lately, I've been the one doing it, BUT... he always responds almost instantly and this makes me think that he is still interested in me, despite the fact that I've been the text initiator for the past two weeks...or do you think he is just being polite? (I figure a guy that was no longer instrested would simply stop responding until I got the hint.) I would really appreciate any opinions or advice you can offer me. I REALLY like this guy. He's unlike any guy I've ever met and I think about him all. the. time!! There are 12 more weeks before he returns.One more thing, do you think I should just flat out ask him if he's wanting to have a relationship with me (even if I wait to do it when he returns)? ...Or do you think this is being way too forward? Thanks in advance for your advice/opinions!:)
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female
reader, flowertogo2 +, writes (4 July 2010):
flowertogo2 is verified as being by the original poster of the question...And for the record, I'm not moping around or staying cooped up in my apartment just because I'm depressed. I'm still running, taking myself out to do fun things, taking my dog to obedience class, etc. No one else even suspects that I'm depressed, but it is very depressing to do things alone all the time. That was the whole reason I even posted an ad on Craigslist...because I didn't want to go to a concert alone!
I don't mind doing things alone and I'm perfectly comfortable and independent enough doing things by myself (i.e. go to the movies alone all the time, backpacked alone, went to Europe to work for 6 months alone, etc.) BUT...I don't want to be doing things alone for the next 60 years. You said that "You are never alone unless you want to be." Well, I don't always want to be alone but yet I am!!! "You are never alone unless you want to be." -- This is the very reason I took the initiative to post an ad on Craigslist...so I WOULDN'T be alone at the concert.
No one dated me in high school (which, I could care less about), I was asked out by two guys in college (one who became my boyfriend for 3 years), and haven't been asked out anyone since, so I'm not exaggerating when I say that men have never really been interested in me. I don't know what it is about me.
A
female
reader, flowertogo2 +, writes (4 July 2010):
flowertogo2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes, I have been members of running clubs and I just got granted membership in the local obedience club. Yes, there are tons of great people in the running clubs I have been and still am a part of: loads of great women runners and many, many great MARRIED men. In regards to the obedience club, well, let's just say I'm the youngest by at least 10 years. My school? Well, let's just say, I'm the oldest by almost 10 years.
One of the reasons I am in this school program, besides the obvious (more opportunity), is because as a med tech, I will be able to move to pretty much anywhere I want (i.e. hospital job.) Meaning, if I am going to be single forever, then I might as well live somewhere beautiful with loads of hiking/backpakcing opportunities as opposed to being stuck in some 100 degree, muggy metropolis where people give me odd looks when I say I "enjoy" camping and hiking. Seriously, in addition to me not dating correctly as you stated, the other part of the problem in my opinion is that there are not enough people in my area who enjoy the things I'm passionate about, like backpacking. The last trip I went on (a thru hike of the John Muir trail) consisted of people I met online in a backpacking forum. They were the best people and they all lived in cities that had hiking clubs. I feel like I'm an outdoor girl stuck in a city with men who'd rather have a Sex and the City girl. Again, I have met many wonderful people in the running clubs/races and obedience shows I've attended: they're just all taken or female or too young or old enough to be my grandparents.
And yes, for the record, I have already thought about the people who would truly miss me if I was gone and came up with 8 people (though one of them is actually my dog.) I get like 1 phone call a week, so seriously...I think it'd be a couple of weeks before anyone even knew something wasn't right. Now, just because I said this, don't go thinking "She's suicidal" because I'm not. I was just reflecting last night, thinking about those who actually would care about me. I hate pain and could never bring myself to kill myself and worse...leave the dog I rescued and love so much for a selfish reason like that.
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A
female
reader, flowertogo2 +, writes (4 July 2010):
flowertogo2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLovely. So, I am 32 and doomed to be single the rest of my life. Seriously...no one has seriously considered really dating me up until this point and for whatever reason they just aren't interested. "You have a lot going for you in life and you are doing some important things with your career- C'mon, you are bigger than this!" -- They don't care that I'm fit or smart or have alot going for me or that I've run 31 miles, etc., etc., based on the fact that I'm still single. The facts are there: I'm still single at 32. I'm not that interesting or worth it in the eyes of men. What is the point or purpose in my life? To live alone for the rest of it? Who cares if you're successful in your career if you have no one to share it with?
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A
female
reader, flowertogo2 +, writes (4 July 2010):
flowertogo2 is verified as being by the original poster of the question"When I was at his apartment, he didn't really ask me to stay the night, yet we did have sex"- so this is not correct? -- Correct, BUT...what I did not mention was that we went to a concert afterwards and then I went home.
You didn't drive over there, have sex, and then go home? -- No, I didn't just drive over there, have sex and go home. We had other plans--the concert--that we did afterwards. ...And then after that, we went out to eat at a restaurant, then we came back to his place to talk a bit, and then I left.
Did he let you know beforehand (since you have spent the night before) that this time it was not possible even though he had nothing going on until 11am the next day? -- CORRECTION: I have never spent the night at this guy's place.
You are already having sex so did he set any expectations about him leaving for the whole Summer- if a guy is really excited about you and sees potential, he doesn't say "let's wait and see what happens", leaving you hanging after you guys have been intimate. He has a game plan to make sure you keep the growing relationship alive, not on ice, so some other guy doesn't snag you, like the one in your Hemotology lab you spend 40hrs a week with. -- I take it you have not taken a hematology class, the majority of which is spent looking through a microscope and (in my case), hoping I pass!! No, hematology or my program for that matter, is not like some 80's teen movie or Gray's Anatomy where constant flirtation/drama is going on in the classroom ha ha! ...but I understand the point you are making about the game plan. :)
Look, the man simply isn't doing any of the things guys do when they are all about you. It doesn't matter if he's running soccer camp, band camp, or in some obscure corner grabbing XML codes to design a website. -- When I was dating that narcissitic jerk, he loved to inform me how "in to me" he was and how he was "all about me", blah, blah, blah and even went so far as to point out all the things he was doing like texting me all the time, emailing me throughout the day, giving me flowers, calling me, introducing me to his parents, cousins, etc. Sadly, I believed that he WAS into me, but that last time I ever saw him again was the time he decided to not let me stay the night post sex (despite having done so countless times) because he felt "weird" about it.
I have read and reread both "He's Just Not That Into You" as well "It's Called A Break Up Because It's Broken" several times. I understand what you are saying about a guy being "into you". However, that other jerk I dated totally acted like he WAS into me--for a whole year!!!--and then kicked me out of his house post sex because it felt "weird"...come on!
After that experience, I'm certainly being cautious with this guy, meaning, I'm not going to let myself become so emotionally attached to him...yet, despite the fact the I would really love to. I am mentally prepared for the fact that this may turn out to not be what I want it to be, but with that said, I am going to still hold onto a drop of hope that maybe it's something more because there is more to this guy intellectually stimulating than the others I've dated.
Before he left, we both talked about "the next 13 weeks" and what would happen beyond that. Because both our schedules would be back in full swing in September, neither of us were sure how this was going to work, so we pretty much decided to keep things open. Isn't that what dating is about? ...at least until you have moved to 'girlfriend/boyfriend level, where obviously you're going to be see each other exclusively, discussing the "what ifs" while we're apart, etc.
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A
female
reader, flowertogo2 +, writes (3 July 2010):
flowertogo2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI also forgot to mention my pondering....If there are people on here that spend "hours a day" on the phone or texting, when are they doing this? Again, maybe this goes back to the fact that right now, I have practically no free time because I am extremely busy with school/work, but seriously...are they doing a majority of their texting during the day while at work? The previous jerk I dated (before I realized that's what he was) texted me (and I texted him) throughout the work day, and it really affected my productivity at work. Just because you're getting flooded with texts, doesn't mean the guy's intentions are good, as was the case with the jerk I keep referring to...
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A
female
reader, flowertogo2 +, writes (3 July 2010):
flowertogo2 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell, to clear a few things up:1. I did not drive over to his place, have sex and then leave. He actually came over to my place. We live about 20 minutes apart.Additionally, compared with a previous "dating experience" I had with a different guy (which I would rather not remember), the guy introduced me to his parents and family almost right away, started off with talking about marriage, kids, etc. on date 1 yet later, had sex with me and then expected me to LEAVE his place (whereas in previous times, he didn't.) Just because the guy introduces you to his family, doesn't mean his intentions are good. (I'm just saying this because someone once asked me if I met the new guy's parents and at which point I just laughed in my head because I thought back to the previous JERK I dated...)2. He actually did initiate some things. He asked if I wanted to go rockclimbing once and we actually met at the gym and were going to go, but then through no fault of our own, the place was unexpectedly closed down!! (I had even called for information on classes 2 days before and talked to an employee, so yes, it was totally unexpected!)3. The guy owns his own soccer training company where he provides supplemental training for players. For the protection of his privacy (i.e. without totally giving away his identity), I didn't post his website, but it is legit--nothing made up and I'd be happy to private message you it, if you don't believe me. In either case, he has no one else working for him (except in Alaska, where he has an activity manager), so yes, he is quite busy because he is the planner, the worker, the financer, website designer, etc. I have never owned my own business, but have always heard from others who were successful that you will definitely put in more than 40 hours/week (easily can work 60) running your own business and that "you are your own worst boss".Additionally, I want to remind eveyone that I am also THAT busy. My school program--a clinical lab science program--meets 40 hours a week in class (i.e. Monday-Friday, 8am-5pm). This is not your average college program, folks...it's nothing like when I got my first degree or graduate school. On a typical day, when I come home at around 5:30pm, I literally eat and study because many times, we have up to 5-6 tests a week. (As an example, last fall during our 12 week courses, we had 32 tests...an average of 2 tests per week on a "light week"...and these are nothing but pure science: chemistry, bloodbanking, microbiology, hematology, immunology and some of the classes are only 4 weeks long--intense!!!) Additionally, on the weekends, I work up to 15 hours and still have to study after that. My school program doesn't even recommend that you work at all, but that is not an option for me. I imagine that my schedule must be similar to what medical school must be like except that they have to do it for 4 years instead of 16 months. So yes, speaking for myself at least, I am THAT BUSY!!!Just trust me when I say that we were both equally pissed when we arrived at the rockclimbing gym only to find that they didn't pay their rent or for whatever other reason it was closed that day, because we had two previous dates set to do this that either he or I had to cancel because of unexpected plans with either his work or my school.I agree with the first responder to my post that I am going to wait to see if he initiates the next move. I also realize that none of the responders here have met this guy, so they can only go off of what I post, but he seems to have his act together (i.e. real life goals vs. the goal to buy the next latest greatest, TV, Xbox, fancy car or [insert other material good here], which is rare in most of the men I meet. Lastly, I do appreciate your opinions. I haven't really looked at this site much, but plan to when I get more time.
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