A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really really really need some help. Ive been in a relationship with this man for about 8 months, although there was a break in between there when I broke up with him for about a month for the same reason Im concerned about now. He is constantly arguing with me and if i dont agree he becomes very aggressive and overpowering. He claims to love me more than anything and usually is very expressive about his love. However, just to be able to spend time with my friends (or family, who i'm very close to) I need to make all kinds of excuses or let him know wayyy in advance, and even when i have a good reason to he makes me feel guilty and puts me down or makes a comment about the way i handle my relationships. Theres always some excuse like "i'm stressed tonight, im dealing with a lot, i need you". My question is whether or not this is abuse. He has become borderline physical with me on a couple occasions, blocking me from leaving or grabbing me in a harsh way..one time he was upset because we were playing a game with our friends and he pushed me so hard i fell. I feel abused, ive lost who i am and either dont feel anything or just feel trapped. I want to break up because i can taste the freedom, its that close. We're on a break right now and of course its "all gonna be okj" he's "changed now" and suddenly he'll accept things about me hes spent the last 8 months making me feel bad about. This isnt even the half of it unfortunately, but i dont want this to be too long. If you have experience with this please help me. Im making myself sick. Is this abuse? Is it worth it to stay with him for another month to attend a vacation to europe with him and his (wonderful) family? Please help me.
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female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (18 July 2011):
 yes this is definitely abuse. sounds VERY much like an ex of mine, and i'll tell you this - if i was not the strong character that i am, that guy would have trodden me into the carpet! he doesn't love you or else he would not risk losing you by treating you in this nasty, controlling, wearing down your confidence, blaming, and borderline violent way.
he doesn't love you - but he has a very strong need for you to love him. he is trying to bully you into loving him and giving him all the attention he wants.
he finds fault with you, but his neediness makes him keep clinging. trust me, i know what i am talking about coz i have been here! (except he never hit or pushed me)
don't just take my word for it though, educate your self about the traits and behaviour in abusive relationships. from what you say in your post, your boyfriend is a perfect model of abusive controlling personality.
ask yourself - would you ever want to have children with this man in the future? if he can shout you down and give you a rough push or grab, he will probably do this to the children too. the first year of the relationship should be the honeymoon period where you are both on your best behaviour, getting to know each other and impressing each other. if he is behaving like this NOW, it ain't gonna get any better from here on
x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2011): Yes I have and this is emotional abuse, and will eventually turn into physical abuse. GET OUT.
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