A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello people. I am hopeing to get some advice here. I will keep it short:She is 21, and I am 10 years older. As far as I know she only had one real BF before me, and he cheated a lot on her. We have been together for about 8 months. It has been the most wonderfull relationship ever. She is normally very jealous, and have a hard time trusting people because of her last BF, but with us there was nerver any jealousy or mistrust. We trusted each other competely. We have so much in common, same hobby (fitness athletes) and we live our lives the same way (healthy)... Her family loved me, and mine loved her. There was never any fighting or any real issues. People quickly began to call us the perfect match and that we would be together forever. We lived an hour apart so it took some planning. Mostly she came to my city. She planned on going back to school in a month. This would take up 30+ hours a week, and she also needed to get a part time job on the side to make it all work. This would make our relationship a bit harder. I started searching for a job in her city and put my house up for sale. Our plan was that I could come to her city so we could live together. We talked a lot about our dreams for our dream house. Then came the first week of school. We texted a lot this week, but she seemed cold and distant. I went to her on the weekend and BOOM, "I have lost feelings for you"... I was completely blindsided. I tried to ask for a reason, but she could give it to me. She said there was no doubt in her mind that I was the one she was surpose to marry, but she didnt feel it right now. She also made it clear that she didnt plan on start dating, she just needed to be herself. However, I saw her on Tinder 2 months later. After the breakup came 3 months of me trying No Contact. She reached out with the "how are you" but I didnt reply. It was really up and down these 3 months. The NC only lasted 3-4 weeks at the time before we started texting again. She still didnt seem like the same person. It was very hot/cold behaviour and started partying a lot. She would be very interrested in the job search at her city and the house sale, but mostly she was very cold. She wouldnt "Like" anything I posted on Instagram either, and she is very active online. Then on November I removed her from all social medias. Havent really talked to her since. Except that in some months she would like everything I posted on Instagram.She now has a new guy. A serious downgrade from me (many girls have said that) and they have nothing in common. He seems like kind of a bad-guy. Already after first date she would talk about him on Facebook as "the most wonderfull guy" and 2 weeks later he is officially her BF. Kinda fast if you ask me. Would you guys say our relationship was hit by Grass is greener syndrome (GIGS)? Was it getting a bit to serious for her, so she needed to explore her options, now that she started a new school with a ton of people her own age?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2015): Aghhhhhh my brother I too have had similar situation many years ago now I am older and wiser on the female of the species I realise there is such a thing as you can do too much and give too much and intern actually forget who you are yourself because your all about being for her, the girl I was with broke up because I was being too nice ....... Go figure. I was raised to be a gentleman pay for restraunts make sure she got home safe etc, what she wanted was the guy she'd had her eye on for all the months leading up to us getting together, not mr sensible who I had become, as such I was too nice So I hatched a plan a social experiment to win this girl back by treating her the exact opposite of what I usually would Checked out other girls If she called me id say I'll call you back but not bother I would then say I forgot I even left her at the shops and drove off because she was talking to someone for so long and I was late for an appointment so I just left, and that very same night she called me up asked me if I wanted to go into the city with her. I casually accepted then she asked me so what's going on with us atm I said nothing is going on you broke it off, that night we went out had a ball back to mine had amazing sex and stayed together 3 years. Moral to story don't become a yes man you selling your house and moving to where she lives etc etc is nice and you sound like a great guy but chicks want a challenge and they want a man to be a man go to library or. Web search how to be a man in relationship I found it very helpful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2015): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the inputs.
Just to clarify: I was planning on moveing to her city before we even meet. It was my plan all along. We talked about it many times, and she was looking forward for when that time would come, some time in the future. I guess it just got a little bit to real too fast.
And as you also said: she is 21. She needs to be 21!
She never really had the time before. She had a full time job with people in their 40s. Now she is finally back in school with people her own age. She needs time to be a normal 21 year old. With all the bad choises, mistakes and all the fun.
Dont know what she feels like now, but all the partying has stopped again.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2015): Aghhhhhh my brother I too have had similar situation many years ago now I am older and wiser on the female of the species I realise there is such a thing as you can do too much and give too much and intern actually forget who you are yourself because your all about being for her, the girl I was with broke up because I was being too nice ....... Go figure I was raised to be a gentleman pay for restraunts make sure she got home safe etc, what she wanted was the guy she'd had her eye on for all the months leading up to us getting together, not mr sensible who I had become, as such I was too nice so I hatched a plan a social experiment to win this girl back by treating her the exact opposite of what I usually would Checked out other girls If she called me id say I'll call you back but not bother I would then say I forgot I even left her at the shops and drove off because she was talking to someone for so long and I was late for an appointment so I just left, and that very same night she called me up asked me if I wanted to go into the city with her I casually accepted then she asked me so what's going on with us atm I said nothing is going on you broke it off, that night we went out had a ball back to mine had amazing sex and stayed together 3 years. Moral to story don't become a yes man you selling your house and moving to where she lives etc etc is nice and you sound like a great guy but chicks want a challenge and they want a man to be a man go to library or. Web search how to be a man in relationship I found it very helpful.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2015): Nope. It's the "I'm YOUNG and I wanna live my own life" syndrome.She could have been everything, you could have been everything BUT she did not have the time to experience new things, to GROW up, build up her own opinions etc. It is possible she just went along with yours, then at some point woke up, said to herself: "Ok, great, I can see a future with this guy. But I don't want THAT future. I don't wanna share a house and be a little, happy wife right now. I wanna party, like all my friends do right now and NOT have all those responsibilities .""He sounds like a bad boy+ it's a downgrade from me" -First of all, she prefers him over you. So it doesn't matter how "great" you are (though I don't like people who think that life is some sorta competition and they are "better" than someone else). So she chose him. So what? Get over it. Find someone who chooses YOU.2nd of all- "he's a bad boy". Ok, great, but has it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe she WANTS a bad boy RIGHT now? NOW is her time to party, to make mistakes, to learn about what she likes/dislikes in guys.If she spends her life tied to you in her 20s she might never go through that "discovery process" (that you probably have gone through yourself ??? So you'd prefer to party/have career aspirations/education goals/ whatevs in YOUR 20s BUT you'd deny HER that? You'd prefer she spent her 20s by YOUR side?). I think she made the smart choice. In 10 years' time maybe she would like a nice guy+ to settle down and have a family. That's not on the priority list right now. Education + making friends seems to be, which is as it should be.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (20 May 2015):
 I think she is 21 and VERY immature and inexperienced.
You rode in on your white horse and tried to make things a LITTLE to serious a LITTLE to fast. Selling your house and getting a new job all within 8 months? Is too soon.
I don't think it's greener grass, I think she liked the fantasy of a "grown up life" together with you, but she realized that it was NOT what she wanted in reality.
She is 21. Some 21 year old can SEEM mature, but most of them are NOT.
Next time, date someone around your own age and go a bit slower.
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