A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 years now. We first had sex when I was 16 and him 17. It was good at first but then as time went on it started to hurt but I'm just not in the mood for it...ever! I'd happily just have a relationship without it as we are very close and I like talking to him and enjoying it without it. Fortunately, I have a very understanding boyfriend. He is very sweet about it and tells me to not worry because he doesn't mind. I don't know whether this may because of my past(A previous question I posted that will help you understand) http://www.dearcupid.org/question/life-has-been-hardwhat-should-i-do-now45.htmlOR is there something wrong with me?Thanks. xxx
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (26 November 2012):
 If something hurts you then it is logic that you don't want to continue doing it, correct?
If you hurt your head smacking it into a brick wall - then you would automatically NOT want to do that ever again.
First of all go get yourself to a Gyno, get a pelvic exam. Some women who suffer from PCOS have serious pain specially during sex. So go get checked out.
Also like Cerberus said, stick to oral for now. Penetrations in not really needed to please a woman. And most guys certainly enjoy oral too.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 November 2012):
 The pain is likely why your libido dropped. If every time you touched your phone it gave you a shock, you'd probably stop wanting to touch your phone anymore.
I agree with Cerberus that for now, you need to focus on getting a lot more foreplay. You should aim to actually have an orgasm before moving onto sex, just to be sure you are adequately turned on. That could even mean you go get yourself ready before he comes in, if you feel you will be self-conscious it will take too long or just think that would make you more comfortable.
The vast majority of the time pain during sex comes from not being aroused enough. If you are VERY turned on and then try lube (don't just use lube in place of being turned on) and it's still hurting, then go see a doctor to rule out any health problems.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2012): You say it started to hurt and you're not in mood for it. Is that true even after lots of foreplay? I mean if you're not in the mood then you're not going to be aroused so the pain would be understandable, you can't exactly just stick it in without getting aroused first as you won't be lubricated enough.
I understand why with the life you've had and the transition you're going through that your libido would suffer. But maybe it's just you're not doing it the right way and the pain that this causes has made it less appealing for you.
I'd give changing things up a little a try OP. Try having some good foreplay and oral. You may not be in the mood all the time but I suspect you do want to have a sexual relationship too even if the only reason is that you want to sexually satisfy him.
Everyone handles stress differently, my girlfriend gets very horny when stressed and needs orgasms and sex as a release. I have had exes though that lost their libido from stress, they didn't feel any emotional need for it and without that they found it hard to become aroused.
I would try if I were you OP. Try having plenty of foreplay for now. Your boyfriend sounds very nice so he'll take his time and be patient, going only so far as you're comfortable going. You have no reason whatsoever to feel guilty or anything like that, and you're not abnormal. But I think it would be a nice gesture for you to at least explore different parts of your sexuality with him and see if you can make it work. Obviously if you're totally opposed to the idea of sex don't do it, but if you're open to bringing sex back into your relationship then slowly work it back into it.
Remember OP, you're both quite young and inexperienced with this, when your libido is low it is still possible to be aroused with the right oral technique etc. It can still be enjoyable if done correctly.
Now if all I said above doesn't apply and it hurts even you're fully lubed up, then you need to go see a doctor and discuss the situation with them. Just to make sure it's not a medical issue.
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