A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:It may sound wierd at first but ... just hear me out. So Last year I went abroad with my mum to meet family and since we hadn't seen them in 3 years or so. We stayed over my cousins on my dad's side. My dad's mum's brother's house...so basically my dad's cousins house. So were dere not my first cousins. They have 4 kids, 3 sons and a daughter. Their eldest son is 22 and their daughter is 20 and the youngest 2 are 15 and 11. It was the second time we'd stayed over, but even still we were pretty new around there since we didn't talk much the last time. Me and my cousins that is. I remember the last time, the 22 year old didnt even speak once.. he was just minding his own business, i guess he didn't really know us that's why. But this time he seemed different, more sociable. This is where it starts to get freaky...u can pretty much guess. He was all friendly and talked to me alot more than last time. We even talked about the last time we came and how he was acting then. I don't know how...I don't know when but I slowly grew fond of him. I'm only 16 by the way..and we became close. But not that close. But he was closer to my mum. Now, this is where the story begins. He was going to come over to the UK to study (where I live) and his parents were worried about him as he hadn't been away from home ever. So my mum, being a mother, reassured them that she would look after him and so on so forth. They would discuss this everyday and how he would live there, what his responsibilities were. Slowly he and my mum grew really close with the idea that she was going to be the mother to him when he got there. He even started to call her 'mum'. At first it was all new to me so i was a bit insecured by it. Then i thought what the heck. Then when we came back home my mum would talk everyday on the phone to him and over the internet on webcam...and i mean every single day! there would not be a day when she wouldn't talk to him. at first it was just normal talk then there would be whispering, and then she started to use my laptop in her room to chat to him. There was even texting every nite. This annoyed me so much because she hardly had time for the rest of us anymore. I started to rebel against my mum to make her realise... but she showed no interest. I found that my mum and I had become really distance during that time and that upset me that most. Me and my mum are really close...so it was a heartbreaking experience for me. I may be just paranoid though..i don't know. Anyway, when i tried to take her fone or even went near it...she would take it back quickly as if she had something to hide...but one day i checked her phone and there were txts from him saying good night with kisses and saying i love you and all sorts. I felt really insecure then and a little embarassed because my mum never txts like that to anyone and never recieves any like that till that day. Before then she never even knew how to use a phone. Now when i look back i get so angry...that my mum has changed all because of one person. Despite me hating that, i still was fond of my cousin because he liked me too and he showed a bit of favoritism when it came to me and I liked that. The whole thing changed when he came here, he became extra close to my mum and i mean close. They would be hugging and a lot of closeness... even i'm not like that with my own mother. But still the txting didn't stop...when I found out one day that they still txt at nite before going to sleep. I know that I grew very jealous because my mum would always be with him and i thought she loved him more than me and i would be upset all the time. I knew that she was just being a mother to him as his mum wasn't here. But still... there are limits...and they were being crossed. I knew it. I confronted her about it so many times back then but she would always get so angry at me that I would just stay upset all day but not tell her what was on my mind. We would have many arguments about it and how she favours him all that time. And it was true at the time, still is sometimes. But she was just not accepting it, still hasn't. She just told me that it was just me. That I was just gettin jealous for no reason. This made me even more angry and I started to hate my cousin at this point. How dare he come and disrupt our family. I can't tell you how much i despised him then. You would be shocked if i tell you the next bit...me and him always had arguments as well and I would get really worked up about it because we were really close and I didn't want us to stop talking. Somehow along the way, I started to like him... like 'like' him. (I sound like a kid) ugh! Yeah, i started to fall in love with him. And surprise surprise so did he. We were both oblivious until one day whilst i was sulking in the stairs, he txted me saying i love you. I was so taken aback that he had said that to me. Because I never imagined in a million years. I didn't want to believe it though. So i just replied i love you too and i love my mum... (haha lame reply) I only did it because I thought he was saying it in a brotherly kind of way. I thought he saw me as his sister. Which was worse actually. After that he started to hug me out of the blue. And one day he kissed my head...then he kissed my lips! I was too confused by all this. But I knew that I had misunderstood what his i love you meant. I was too confused and really happy at the same time. For some time arguements stopped but still i felt a pang of jealousy whenever I saw him close to my mum. I still do. But it's justified. totally justified. Now, i don't know since when but he gets all up in my mum's face and tries to kiss her too. I don't know in what kind of way he does it. And the other thing is he does it infront of me...so i guess if he's not hiding it then there's nothing wrong. Also he's really difficult to read so you can't tell what he means or really wants. This is partly the reason for our arguments from time to time. Misunderstanding...i hate it. also, my mum has started to his him too whenever they hug. I feel sick when I watch. And wish i was dead than see all that. I wouldn't have cared at all if it wasn't for the fact that he's a 22 year old...not a kid anymore. My mum kisses my 6 year old brother too and me sometimes but hes 22!! It's not right! i tried to tell her that a long time ago.. but she wouldn't see it. I don't know what to do about it. Because whever I leave them alone for a bit I come back and their hugging or really close again. And a few times I come into the room and they quickly pull apart... I don't know what to make of it. I want to ask my mum really badly why she does that and what's it all about. But I don't know how she would react. I dnt want another arguement or to hurt her by saying anything stupid. I just say whatever comes to mind and never know how to start. I need serious advice. Also, we're planning on getting married in the future, obviously after our studies and everything. (me and my cousin i mean) He wants to get engaged when I'm 18 but I don't know what's gonna happen. Another thing, he loves me alot though and i love him a lot too. Even though he's my cousin but not my first. I forget that he's even related to me sometimes. We text all the time (well most of the time) but recently he's changed slightly, and he only ever listens to my mum. Before he used to do whatever I said as well as my mum. Now its just her. And I get really sad to think how much he's changed because its only slightly but at the same time it's a lot. Sometimes he seems to not care about me and its like I'm invisible when my mum is there. I get really jealous and sad at the same time. Also, I don't think my tears affect him anymore. Of course, i havent said all this to him otherwise he would get really upset with me and we would go into this huge argument and I really don't want that right now. At times I think I should just leave him but I love him too much to let go and I love my mum too much and trust her not to do anything stupid. But this is too much...I don't know what to make of it. Is it more than a mother son relationship or am I just seeing things differently? Also does he love me as much as I do? I can't seem to find the answers to these questions. Please help me out. I've been going through this for the past year and everythings keeps changing from perfect to one minute with him to hell the next i see them kiss. I was going to ask my mum why she kisses him on the lips when its not right. I'm going to over txt. I find her eaiser to talk to that way. I just have to ask. If you were in my situation what would you do..?
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cousin, engaged, I love you, insecure, jealous, text, the internet Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice. That really helps. Since I had a chat with my mum, things have been getting alot better. Although I would still say he has changed and I sometimes feel like he doesn't want me anymore and maybe I'm getting too boring for him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2011): I read this ENTIRE story.
i am glad you spoke to your mum and you kind of accepted her answer. HOWEVER, "something" seemed amiss here. is was not your over active imagination, it was not a hunch. it was something that did not sit well with you. trust that something. it is called a gut feel.
always observe them. do not be paranoid, but be observant. this guy will not be the first to want both mother and daughter or to get with both mother and daughter. cousins or not, "mother like" relationship or not with your mother, there seems to be a special "relationship" with your mother.
maybe you are over reacting, maybe it is just teenager hormones playing up and you are suspicious but where there is smoke there is fire.
you may get your heart broken in the process but at least you will know whether this guy is meant to be.
trust your gut kid, be glad you started being so observant from an early age. it will serve you well later in life.
enjoy your relationship with him but check that he is not "getting it on" with your mum. having said that, do not accuse, do not confront, do not overreact but merely observe them and then in your heart you will know.
LoveGirl
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for your answer...I asked my mum about it and she said that I was seeing the wrong thing at the wrong time....I do admit that I didn't exactly see them kiss, but I was in the same room still. Now I feel bad for asking such a stupid question when it was just me and she also said that she only ever kisses his forehead which I guess is alright since he's her 'son'. That's taken a load off of my shoulders...I'm so happy I was wrong.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): short and sweet... come clean!!!
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