A
female
age
36-40,
*CA87
writes:I am currently madly in love with someone who isn't speaking to me. Brian and I dated for over 5.5 years, and I wanted nothing more than for us to get married. In December he (while extremely emotional and in tears) told me he needed time apart. After about a week I couldn't take it and we mutually broke up. When he asked for the break, he did want us to get back together one day. And, to be honest he probably only needed a few weeks apart, but with the way I reacted it didn't work that way. I have to admit, I got rather depressed, lost about 15 pounds due to not eating, and pouted to everyone who would listen. About a month ago I realized that I was wrong. I emailed him, telling him that I realize that he wasn't trying to hurt me and said that I understood that we needed time apart and that I would like for us to one day be able to be happy together again. (I was honest, wasn't just trying to get his attention). I figured out that he was right, we had our problems, all relationships do at some point. We started dating real young, and didn't really know how to handle things once we faced problems, and instead kinda let them build up. No major problems, just he wouldn't tell me when he was upset about things so i never knew if i did something "wrong" and i complained too much. normal stuff, kinda. He emailed back, saying he was glad I was going better, etc. I have not contacted him since that day, it has been nearly a month and a half. I have to say, I am rather proud of myself for going so long without messaging him. Though it has been rather difficult.I told myself, give him a month of no contact, maybe he'll come around. I never thought he would. I do think he still thinks about me and cares about me, even if not enough to date me. But, he is the type to worry about everything, and is probably too worried to contact me. So, now I am at a stand still. What do I do from here? I try to tell myself that it is over and that I need to move on. Then I realize that he is all I really want (which i know could change). I am still in contact with his cousin. She talks to me almost daily, wishes him and I were still dating. His family was like family to me. I would even go to some of their family parties without him (if he was unable to go due to work or school or something). I honestly feel I am meant to marry this boy. I realize it takes a long time to get over someone. But, it has been 3 months since the break up, and I still want him just as badly. I realize that he may have changed and that I have changed. But, I feel that I need a chance with him. I even pray about it almost every day. His birthday is coming up. I am thinking about sending an email saying happy birthday and to have a good Easter. Is there some way I could say something to maybe grab his attention, get him to miss me?Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2010): I'm in a similar boat. Just digging myself in a deeper hole trying to get my ex back. His birthday is coming too. I hope everything works out for you. Best wishes
A
female
reader, MCA87 +, writes (26 March 2010):
MCA87 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. I have sent him several emails. none since February though. I am worried as to what to say or how to say it, I guess. I feel that he is the love of my life, and I am afraid I am going to mess it up even more(if that is possible anymore). I am going to wait till close to his birthday, kinda as an excuse to email him. I am afraid of what to say.
But, like you said, if I get a response then I can see what he has to say. If I get no response then I can assume he wants nothing to do with me. I think what scares me is that the last time I emailed him, even though he said nothing to hurt me, somehow it hurt and I dug myself into a deeper hole. I am afraid that will happen again.
I realize that I am only 22 years old and have plenty of time to figure things out. But, we broke up only a few days after I graduated college. Made me feel like nothing mattered. We were both going into teaching. We had so much planned together. He wanted to marry me. We wanted kids, wanted to build a nice house for ourselves, stay close to our parents. life seemed perfect.
Anyone have any ideas of what I could say to him?
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A
female
reader, Sarah_87  +, writes (26 March 2010):
i think you need to message him and tell him exactly how you feel. just email/text him and tell him you'd like to talk to him. tell him exactly how you felt, and how you are feeling now.
if he doesn't reply within a couple of days you know he doesn't want to talk to you, and wants the break-up to stay that way.
however if he does reply, and he wants to talk to you then you will have a better idea of what is going to happen in the future.
there's no harm in telling him how you feel is there? if he doesn't feel the same way about you then at least you know you have to move on. hope this helps
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