A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well, my husband and I have been going through a lot and we got in a big argument and he told me to go back to my mom's house. We lived with his mom ever since we got married. 8 years, and living with people and not having a private marital life, we have never experienced. He has had a job in 1-2 years, and we got into it, and by me living with my mom, my mom tries to help me out by letting me stay there so that I can get on my feet. We call each other, and we have sex, but he wants me to be around him and show him a lot of affection because he misses me and he is lonely. He wants for us to be together and he says that he doesn't want anyone else. One night when were were talking about our situation and discussing how we couldn't keep living like this, he cried so much and he said that he was tired of going through what he was going through, fighting for some affection from me and dealing with my mom not liking him, and everyone looking at him like a monster, while going through all of this, I know what heard, and I could've sworn he said: "You know what? I can't take this anymore!!!!!!! I can't deal with this! I am GAY!" I asked him what did he say, he said that that is not what he said. As if i misheard him? I feel like I don't think he realized what he said in the midst of him crying and being emotional. He is very loving and he doesn't sneak around and talk to men, or watch gay porn, or groom himself for hours on end. He talks to me a lot of the times, when he gets aggravated or upset about something, whether it's with his family or with me ( sometimes it could be something so small) he yells and curse. He is told me that he was confused at one point. Especially being married to me. We also have a 3 year old. He asked me recently was i sure i wanted to continue to be with him. I asked why? He said that sometimes I have this "Im tired" look on my face. Well I just want for us to get our own place and be normal humans with privacy and not to have everyone around us all the time. What do you think about this situation? I would love anyone's feedback.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the advice. Yes, you're right. He needs to get a job and his self-esteem will build up and he will feel good about himself. I will always support him, but as a grown man, he needs to support himself, because I can't do it for the rest of my life. He is a man, and he has to be all man. Well, I am currently staying with my mom and my daughter and I am doing okay. We don't live together, so I make the best of it. I miss him like hell, but I have to do what I have to do. I will be starting work Monday, and I currently go to school, so I guess things are starting to look up, slowly, but I don't know what's going to happen later in the future. I just want him to work, and get himself straight. It's just time to move on period. Tired of living this life. The majority of our marital life, we haven't had any privacy, and it's killing us! Financially as well. If we could get our own and not have anyone around for a while, and just be a married couple, things would be okay.
A
female
reader, m_dc  +, writes (12 May 2011):
Firstly can I just say how awful that you haven't had your own home together. I would hate to live at my mother in laws house. It causes no end of tension. If you want to give it another go then you guys MUST have your own space. You deserve it after all.
The stuff about him being gay- well that is difficult. Perhaps you miss heard him and then maybe you didn't but you won't know for sure if he is gay until he chooses to tell you. So although its difficult if u want to pursue the relationship you need to forget he said it and trust him.
In regards to the the man himself. It seems he is deeply insecure. Most men can't stand not being made to feel like a man and not having your own place (which is traditionally the mans role as provider) is bound to undermine his role as 'the man'. Did you say he is not working? Didn't quite get that. But if so that is also bound to put pressure on him. He seems very low and all the affection he craves and starting arguments may be his way of getting the attention he needs or feeling sorry for himself cos of his situation. If you really care about this man then I think u need to try and do things one step at a time. First he needs a job. Support and encourage him to find one. He won't feel good until he has one. Once he has that then you can work on getting a place and building your relationship back. But his self esteem is so low it seems and he needs to get that right before he can love you. You don't deserve to be made to feel like rubbish cos of his issues. If things don't improve I would strongly advise you to move on with your life. You have a child to look after which is hard enough work and you don't deserve extra stress from someone who seems (intentionally or not) to be putting their own issues above you and your child.
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