A
male
age
36-40,
*anup
writes:when I was in my early 20s I did a lot of dumb stuff, I got into drugs, drank way to much and partying became my only concern. I dropped out of university and bounce from one dead end job to another but I was happy with the partying life style. I finally got clean, got a job at a high profile tattoo shop and was doing ok. I met this younger girl (9 years younger then me) who came into work one day and she literally took my breathe away. Beautiful, smart , level headed and sweet. From day we had to fight for our relationship , her parents hated me . The bad boy older guy dating their sweet innocent daughter. But we did it, we fought for our relationship and things went fast . I moved in with in a month, started playing the daddy role to her young son. Things were going good and we dated for over two years until I messed up and then the relationship went down hill fast. I stayed in her life because I was the only dad Her son ever knew , we worked out a visitation schede that would be best for her son (which we got a lot of grief for because people thought just because we broke up I shouldn't see her son). We have been broke up for over a year but a few months ago we slept together and then it became a regular thing. I still have feeling for her, I always have. She recently found out she is pregnant and when we told our families they were not impressed. My family thinks she did it on purpose, her family thinks I screwed up once and will do it again . She is really close to her family and cares about what my family think. Is there any way to make this work and make everyone see I won't screw this up again?
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female
reader, Lynx Lonestar  +, writes (7 January 2016):
 I agree with the others - you have a lot to prove. The fact that she is sleeping with you again shows that she wants you in her life. I'm not sure it was the best decision to get her pregnant under the circumstances, but, now that she is expecting you need to get your ducks in a row and prepare yourself to be the best father you can be to this child. It sounds like you may still be struggling with your past, even though you are not on drugs anymore. You should probably give a little more thought to your future with this girl. You strayed once, so you should consider how you are going to resist that temptation in the future. Do you plan to get married to her eventually? I would recommend couples counseling if you are really getting serious again.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 January 2016):
 Put yourself in there shoes, say now you have a daughter with this woman and she grows up and some man has drug issues and cheats on her, am sure you would be the same as her family, as everybody wants the best for there children. Just try and be the person you can be and as long as your girlfriend accepts you well then that's all you need for now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2016): You really sound like you have a good heart, but it won't be enough. You know that it hasn't been enough.It's not enough to stay away from the bad (drugs, alcohol, bad influences...) you have to practice the good every single hour of every single day for the rest of your life.Do you go to the meetings? Have a sponsor? I don't know what you think about the program (I don't know anyone who has), but if you join it would certanly show that you are getting help for your problems - even if you think that you can do it on your own.Eat a healthy diet and exercise. This is not a joke. Th ehealthier your system is, the stronger you will be to resist. I'm mostly talking here about drugs and alcohol. Cheating on your partner is something else.Maybe you should ask yourself why you sabotage yourself (dropping out of university, cheating on your gf).Btw, you say you have feelings for her, is this you saying you love her? Becaouse if it isn't you two have made some mess.Having sex without protection in your case is looking for an excuse to rekindle the relationship - the baby. As if you want the life to decide things for you and give a valid erason to everybody else.You both need to work really hard. Your gf sounds immature. First of all a mother who moves in with a guy like you (sorry) after a month of dating. Then has unproteted sex with you after you broke up. Lets her family meddle and have a say in her life (young that she may have been and she still is, she is an adult and a mother... why doesn't her family trust her judgement? Is it because she got pregnant early and rears her child alone? Does she turns to them for help? Moves in with a guy like you after a month of dating? Has unprotected sex after a year of you doing god-knows-what?).I'm just saying that all stories have many points of view.Having said all that. I belive that people can change if they find the right motivation, are honest and work hard. It's not easy. That's why so few people do it that many believe that people can't change.Ask for help on you way to recovery. Be honest. ANd never forget that no matter how long you don't touch teh stuff you are an addict. A recovering one. But an addict. This is not your weakness. Being honest about it is your strength.And one other question. Where would teh two of you be right now if sh ehadn't gotten pregnant?Goo dluck!
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A
male
reader, Manup +, writes (6 January 2016):
Manup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks , I'm not a bad guy just a dumb guy that made some bad decisions.
I honesty believe we can make it work if everyone stays out of it. Her family will do anything to make sure it doesn't work
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (6 January 2016):
It is just going to take time for people to trust you again, including your girlfriend. There may always be doubt in her mind because you have done this once. Just keep showing her how loyal you are, and hopefully in time people will see that you can be trusted.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (6 January 2016):
 It sounds like you have a good heart. I hope life cuts you a break. I think it might.
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A
male
reader, Manup +, writes (6 January 2016):
Manup is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankfully even at my most messed up I some how managed to stay away from meth. When I took drugs last time it was short lived , I knew what I was doing and how it would effect me and I reached out to people early and I got help. I don't want to go down that road again and I realized that alcohol is a lot of my problem and I've been doing well. I haven't touch either in 10 months. I've cut out the people that bring out my weakness and I will never cheat on her again. I panicked under pressure. We had to fight so much in the beginning , when the thrill of a new relationship and new life wore off I panicked pp under pressure. I lived such a carefree life and then I had a child and gf depending on me . I didn't know how to handle the stress.I could I have walked away but I didn't I stuck around to be a father to child that isn't mine but her family acts like I'm causing more harm then good. I don't want her to have an abortion. I know we have a lot to work on but i don't think ending This pregnancy will make things better. I'm working on showing her that she can depend on me, that's I'm here for her and our kids. I just don't know how it will work when every time she turns around someone is putting doubt in her mind that I'm cheating or going to relapse. She is young and she gets scared easily . I just wish people would back off and let us be
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (6 January 2016):
At this moment nothing is going to convince her family that you are good enough for her but time. You need to step up now and be the man that she needs. If you are serious about her and your unborn child well then it is time to make a decision about your life. If you are sure you won't mess up again well then dedicate yourself to this relationship. It will be tough to overcome obstacles from both families but you need to stand united and strong and show everyone this is for the long term. They will eventually begin to realize you mean what you say.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (6 January 2016):
The best way is not to screw up. The proof of the pudding is in the eating as they say. Are you fighting a drug addiction like H' Meth', or are you just weak-willed?
In family situations you always have to put the child first. What is going to happen if you don't turn up for work? What will happen if you lose your job. How will you pay the bills?
Think about the youngster. He doesn't deserve your crap lifestyle. Man-up and be a decent dad and everyone will respect you.
As for the pregnancy, have either of you considered abortion. It doesn't sound like another mouth to feed is called for. I know that is a huge decision, and I perfectly understand your girlfriend going through with the pregnancy.
But are you going to be the man she thinks you can be?
You will have to change your ways and your friends.
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