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Is she simply using me?

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Question - (25 March 2009) 4 Answers - (Newest, 27 October 2010)
A male Singapore age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am now in a very complicated situation that's why I am here. I hope I will get some help and good advice here. Thanks a lot in advance.

I am after this girl and have been for more that two years now. Have been taking her out for dinner, movies, late nights quite often. I am working and 25 years old and she 22 and studying.

The thing is almost every time I ask her to go out, she will accept. But I have to always make the first move to ask her out (more than 15 times). She never asks me. And whenever we are out together on late nights, she will laugh and talk... have a nice time. But till now we are just friends.

I told her that I loved her once (like 9 - 10 months ago). She said she did not have same feelings and that we stay friends. That was like 10 months ago. She said it was weird that we still meet because she knows I love her. Then I reduced contact with her for some time...

Only recently I started to chat and meet her again. Went for lunch couple of times recently and even went to a pub late night on Friday. It was very fun and had a great time.

But the thing is, she always starts a conversation (msn or phone), whenever she needs something from me.

I love her so so much and would do anything, but sometimes I feel that she is just using me.

I keep thinking that she must know that I still love her because of the trouble I take to meet her, take her out... do eveything that she likes... or make her happy. And if she knows I like her and she does not have same feelings, why does she still accept my invitations? Why does she come to me when she needs something? Why I can't get her out of my life and head for 2 years now.?

I am just so confused. How do I tell her I want to move to the next level? please advise..

Thanks

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A male reader, lo7inc Antigua and Barbuda +, writes (27 October 2010):

Let me tell you something , I met this girl a russian girl.. shes 17 and only been in america for 2 months...I like her alot but ...yeah thats right "BUT" ....I have to anticipate everything going out , dating , she makes good conversations at least and money is not an issue but she never appreciated anything i did ...she never shows any kind of thank you ....I like her and i tell her and i even ask her does she like me she says Yeah I like THAT.... ??? and maybe she's alittle home sick down with money and misses her old friends you know she'll find time to go out with other people but won't spend time with me much in the beggining it was fun but now its only when she needs a ride to school and thats itttt.............

I dont have it in me to say no to her yeah i sound like a pussy what ever " like your going to tell me this never happened to you" ...... yeah anyways im still workin on her but il will evntually say no and move on

but in your case homie MOVE ON .....She is not your beneficiary, not your education and isnt family think about she benefits nothing to you except you losing money and time ................MOVE ON keep her as a friend but not to close

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A male reader, lo7inc Antigua and Barbuda +, writes (27 October 2010):

Let me tell you something , I met this girl a russian girl.. shes 17 and only been in america for 2 months...I like her alot but ...yeah thats right "BUT" ....I have to anticipate everything going out , dating , she makes good conversations at least and money is not an issue but she never appreciated anything i did ...she never shows any kind of thank you ....I like her and i tell her and i even ask her does she like me she says Yeah I like THAT.... ??? and maybe she's alittle home sick down with money and misses her old friends you know she'll find time to go out with other people but won't spend time with me much in the beggining it was fun but now its only when she needs a ride to school and thats itttt.............

I dont have it in me to say no to her yeah i sound like a pussy what ever " like your going to tell me this never happened to you" ...... yeah anyways im still workin on her but il will evntually say no and move on

but in your case homie MOVE ON .....She is not your beneficiary, not your education and isnt family think about she benefits nothing to you except you losing money and time ................MOVE ON keep her as a friend but not to close

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A reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi All,

Thanks a lot for you understanding and quick repond and advice. I kinda of understand how and where this is going on. I think i should stop contact with her or at hte very least tell her again my feelings for her and see what she says.

What do you think?

Thanks a lot in advance.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009):

You're not confused at all. All these questions that you asked really lead to only one conclusion. Sadly, yes, she's using you. She's selfish and doesn't appear to even care that you love her and that this whole situation is hurting your feelings. It's very obvious that you love her and by telling her so you made sure she knew that you want to be with her. She's aware that you want to take things to the next level, she just doesn't appear to share that desire. It's already been two years that you've been going through this and she's exploiting you because you let her. Tell her that you don't want to be used and that you if she doesn't feel the same way, she should stop playing with your heart. You deserve someone so much better!

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