A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Let me tell my story. I need some insight from someone on this situation. I have written on this forum previously. I am in a long-distance relationship with a single mom, whose son has deployed to Iraq. We are high school classmates and hadn't seen or heard from each other in 30 years. We had 4 months of daily text messages, telephone calls and emails, even spending time in MSN messenger and the webcam. When this all began, I was leery about the entire situation, being "damaged goods" and all (I am pending divorce). Actually when she found out from a mutual friend of my marital status, that is when she sought me out. The entire thing seemed too good to be true and I was leery about exposing my feelings to her. She assured me that "we" were going to work out, even putting on her profile on classmates.com that we had decided to be in a committed relationship, and that I was very special in her life, etc. I flew to the states and spent Thanksgiving with her, even seeing her son off to war. The moment that kid got on the plane, everything basically changed. I prodded her a little bit and she told me that it was an emotional time for her. She had always insisted that I should not communicate with other females, to which knowing what circumstance I was in, I willingly obliged. I was no longer on the market. The night before I left, she was getting text messages from her son throughout the afternoon. Suddenly she got one from some other guy, asking how she was. This hit me wrong, because I assumed that since I was monogamous to her that she was doing the same. Plus she had never mentioned this "friend." She saw that I was upset and I asked her to tell me that she loved me. She had been telling me that regularly for the past several months. All she said was "of course I do." When I got back overseas, she virtually cut off contact with me, took the mention of me out of her classmates profile and has been very cold. She sent me an email, stating that I was too resentful of my ex and she didn't like that. She thought we should just be friends. I remember from high school what that meant. She didn't feel that I loved myself enough and before I loved anyone else I needed to love myself. I also intentionally did not tell my parents or grown kids about her, because I wanted to make sure it was a sure thing before I told my mother, who would gossip it around the whole town. The main thing that she didn't like is that I constantly needed reassurance of our love; this is something I needed because with my previous relationship I never had that. Insecurity I guess. So then it was over. So now for the past 2 months, I have been giving her space. She started texting me and emailing me every day again, telling me little trivial things about what is going on in her life, asking me questions about things that I know. These messages are very short and sweet; a couple of lines, no opening or closing, and of course no endearments. She obviously is thinking about me and misses me if she bothers to communicate with me in that way. Is she keeping her emotions in check and waiting until my divorce is final and until her son is in a better situation? I do love her and want to spend the rest of my life with her and will never give up hope.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): Look at what she is doing to your emotions now, this is not describing a man in love. She is playing you. You are vulnerable , going through a divorce you have enough to deal with.
I am thinking that you have been married for many years, why do you not try to repair this relationship.
You said that the relationship when it started seemed too good to be true. Well you have heard the saying " When something seems too good to be true".... it usually is.
Sorry to be so harsh but i think you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. Finish it now and look after yourself. There are plenty of nice people out there looking for real love and affection.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2009): Don't give up hope...it's all we have! Neither should you put your life on hold. Keep the lines of communication open with her, but don't live your life for a person who can't make up their mind...another words...don't put all your eggs in one basket! Put yourself first! Enjoy your life. We can't get back time wasted on a dream. So, I suggest you get out there and have some fun. Life is too short...
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