A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:We were in married for 10 years and have 2 kids. She have a restaurant. There is no or few customers coming to the restaurant after 11:00pm. She can close before 1:00am and come home. But usually she come home after 2:00am. I know for sure for the last 2 years she stay in the restaurant arranging things for the next day. But I insist her to hink about time management and give time for us(the marriage). In the last 2 months there is a customer who come to the restaurant after 11:pm and stay there untill 2:00pm. Evry day when she come home she start to tell me about this guy, how nice and friendly he is. He become our routine topic for the last month. When I start to talk about us she become bored and tell me she is tired and want to go bed. Then they star to go to massage and sauna after closing the restaurant. I try to tell her this is not a good trend and she become defensive saying he is just a customer and a good friend. Her point of argument is it is not appropriate to push a 'good customer' and try to convice me it is a business strategy.one day I tell her i don't feel good about the relation and I warn her this might lead them to emotional affair and I told her to close the restaurant before 1:00am and come home then. She got angry and start to tell me that i don't get what the business need, I don't understand and support her, I'm just hurting her trust issue. Since we talked about it if she come home early she will not be in a mood to talk to me and tell me she come early hurting her business to please me.I observed her keeping her cell phone very close to her(even when she is in bath) and delete texts from her cellphone. This creat a'why' question inside me.now I'm wondering if she is in an emotional affair. What shall I do to get my point across without hurting feelings and trust?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2011): Bring it all out into the open. I mean honestly, an emotional affair is worst than a sexual. She's opening up to this man in ways she can open up to you and that's personal. Your her husband right? Maybe you should get an "emotional friend" of your own and play the same game she is. But if she is really trying to open up to you, I think counseling is a great idea.
A
female
reader, Tbosse  +, writes (20 December 2010):
 Hey...something fishy is boiling here.i hope shes not hiding more... She got caried away in thoughts,but cant figure out whats bordering her, huh...! Guilt.! I sense there's something she needs to tell bv just Cant.! For now if she is still affectionate and 'respond' to your sexual needs as before, then maybe you just have to worry less but always keep your ear on the ground! Merry xmass in few days!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThnk u for ur comments. We are still arguing about the cell phone. I can't get her phone bill. She say she doesn't understand why she is so attached to her cell phone. Last night she gave me her cellphone. I knew the guy called her that day atleast one but it was not there. She denied he called her. She blame me not trusting her even after 'giving' me the cell phone. Should I trust what she is telling me? That day she was carried away with thoughts, she was not herself. She said she doesn'tt know what she is thinking. She said there is something disturbing her but she couldn't figure it out. I push her to concentrate and figure out what is bosering her. Her answer? It is not unusual to feel fear and trouble over something u can't identify. Is this really common??
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A
female
reader, Tbosse +, writes (19 December 2010):
It appears to me that Yes, there's an emotional affair here! Why else should she be over protective of her phone?why doesnt she show you the messages? She thinks you'll be upset, because they are back and forth flirts. Tell her to stop spending time with this customer, she has to let you talk to the guy. If she doesn't, then strictly check the phone bill.Take his number, then you call him by yourself. I mean a married woman doesn't have to become secretive all of a sudden, UNLESS there's something to hide. Goodluck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe have talked over it again. She agreen to come home before 12:30pm. Now we have one problem unresoled, THE CELL PHONE. She still keep it very close to her and power it off when she come home. I wondered and asked her why she said this new friend is sending her messages that she fears will upset me. I told her it is alright as far as she doesn't liked it to happen and doesn't hide from me. I asked her to let him know I'm also seeing the messages. I don't understand why she doesn't stop him from sending such messages. I'm still confused with her behaviour. What shall I do?
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A
female
reader, Tbosse +, writes (15 December 2010):
Hey tough one. I suggest checking the phone bill, thats where you'll get the most dialled/smsd number.take it from there.goodluck
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