A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok so this is a bit of a long one. About 5 weeks ago my girlfriend of 3 years who I was living with found out that i had been sending erotic emails to women on and off for almost a year and that I also met with an old friend for a date after we were having some relationship problems. Quite understandably she took all her things and left. Since the break up she we have been in contact with each other via txt message (mainly her venting her upset at me). We have also met up on three seperate occasions. The first because I said I wanted to talk and out of respect she agreed. We both ended up crying and hugging each other but she said there is something in her that cannot trust me again. Then we met again for her to get the rest of her stuff, this ended in a very emotional hug between each other. Then we agreed to not talk for a very long time and move on with our lives. Two days later she txt me. Then she sent four days away and we didnt speak that whole time, then the weekend she came back we agreed to meet for lunch and spent the day together. She still gets a little annoyed at me and has told me she does not want to talk about us under any circumstances, but when we txt now its amicable. I am very confused. I desperately want to show her Ive changed and I made a stupid stupid mistake but I dont know of she is carrying on cummunication with me as she is lonely and has no one else or if she is confused in her own mind that there is still a chance for the relationship. Any advice would be great as I'm going crazy over here.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): Look you need to cut contact with her and both of you move on with your lives. She no doubt still has feelings for you and that is why she is calm and then upset, you hurt her...My ex-husband was texting erotic txts to another female, and he even went out with her, (though it was for a full weekend) and when I found out he was all sorts of sorry, and saying how he wants me to forgive him, "he has changed", "it was a mistake", he was sooo sorry...Well look just like him you are sorry and you "made a mistake" and you have changed...honestly what is with that? You know what you were doing when you were doing it, and yet you did it, and if you weren't found out, you would be still doing it! Seriously the whole, I've changed and made a mistake, is such a cop out! What a load of crap! You had a relationship with a woman you now see you really did love, and just because you hit a rough patch it was ok for you to do what you did, and you expect her (or anyone) to accept that you just made a mistake! Ok so you have made one a BIG one and now you have hurt her.I let my husband back in, I told him we could work it out (we had 2 kids) and I felt we owed it to them, but I was always untrusting, checking his phone, questioning his phone calls, asking where he has been what was he doing? I never forgave him for it and it ate at me, now 7 years later I have left him (late last year) I could not live with a man I did not trust...So what I sugest is you leave her move on, the trust is gone and won't be back, it will just cause missery for you both if you were to try again, is really not worth it.Move on with your life, and if you and her can form a friendship then leave it at that, and when you start another relationship, as you have learned from your mistake then DO NOT EVER do it again! Because you have changed you are better off leaving her alone!!
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (16 March 2011):
 Blond is right. Why did you feel the need to send erotic messages to other women? How would you have felt if she were sending erotic messages to other men? You would have seen red.
Yeah, she's having a hard time trusting you. But she still has feelings. If you're wanting to be back with her, let her take the absolute lead, and make sure you're very very honest with her about everything.
However, there's still the issue of why you felt the need to do that in the first place. If you two get back together, won't that reason and desire still exist?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI do hope that is the case because she can trust me again. I could never bring this sort of pain to two people again. I'd rather die than hurt her like I have.
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A
male
reader, Dpfaff7933 +, writes (16 March 2011):
Trust is something you must earn back. But if she won't let you then that is very difficult. It sounds like she may need some time to figure out if she misses you enougj ro give you a chance to earn your trust again. But texting her wont allow her to figure that out. Trust me women dont stay lonely long if they dont choose to be. She obviously still has feelings let her understand them on her own
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