A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. I'm a little embarrassed even asking this because I think I know the answer but the mixed signals are confusing. I became friends with someone I used to work with and recently things progressed between us. As she's an ex-hairdresser I asked her if she would come over to cut my hair for me (I paid her of course) then she suggested going out for a few drinks which turned into a lot. She then asked if she could stay over, we opened up and admitted we liked each other and shared a lot making ourselves vulnerable. In the end we had sex. The next morning I made sure she didn't have any regrets and we both soberly said again that we liked each other so I can't entirely blame the alcohol for her initiating everything. That was over a week ago and I've literally received one text from her since. She hasn't even been on whatsapp and I feel like she's avoiding me. The only thing confusing me is that if she isn't interested why did she say and do all that? She showed a very vulnerable side to me then closed off and I don't know how I should proceed. I've text a couple times but I haven't sent any in 4 days. Should I ask her what's going on?
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 March 2023):
 You really don't know what's going on in her life, and under the influence of alcohol we do things that we don't normally do.
I am not saying that she never enjoyed the experience with you, or that she does not like you because she probably does. I just think maybe she needs some time to process what happened and where here feelings are at right now.
You have reached out to her, and she has text only once. I would not go chasing her anymore and leave the ball in her court now. If she does not get in contact with you then just leave it at that and move on with your life and find someone else who has time for you and who knows what they want.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2023): Would it help if I suggested that... Have you considered, what if that's how she has *always* done it?
What if, You're not her first, you're not her last. You, you're losing sleep over it, and posting about it on dearcupid.org... but countless others would have just 'known' when the 'morning after' was simply no longer 'last night'.
And that was that. Thank you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 March 2023): I'd just let it go. People lose all inhibition under the influence of alcohol, and that very often leads to having sex. The problem is, even though the sex was mutually consensual; there is no obligation for anything else to come of it. Sometimes in the heat of the moment you may be attracted to someone; but that doesn't mean a romantic-connection or relationship has been established.
There may be some post-sex remorse on her part; because she just got caught-up in the moment, even if she did initiate things. Try not to overthink things. It's very possible that she is avoiding you; and it may be because she is sorry she took things beyond what the initial reasons or conditions under which you were to meet. It was supposed to be to cut your hair. She can like you, and be attracted to you, without wanting to be your girlfriend. She may have only wanted sex, but doesn't want to date. It's pretty common people avoid you to send the message that sex doesn't force any obligation or relationship between you.
Don't continue attempting contact. Wait! If you receive no further contact, write it off. You have the option to ghost, or block any and all forms of contact. Maybe you've allowed your emotions to get the better of you; assuming there were "feelings" involved. You can have sex with a total stranger, a one-night stand; but sex doesn't require emotional-attachment.
It's certainly up to you, if you wish to continue to pursue something from this. I just suggest that you shouldn't get your hopes up.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 March 2023):
 If you were her first (and thus only) female experience she might be digesting this. Trying to figure out if can handle being out and open.
If you are not her first female experience, maybe she is still exploring and she doesn't WANT to invest "too" much emotionally.
If you have reached out and she hasn't responded, the ball is in her court. It's up to you, however, for how long you are going to wait and see.
And it could be that she HAS a partner already but "just" wanted you.
What I can say is this, I'd let her go. And look elsewhere for a partner. This one is not certain of herself nor you. Date someone who knows who they are and what they want.
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