A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I befriended, someone i went to school with through facebook. We soon became close friends, until we both got are wires crossed and lost contact. We sorted out the misunderstanding and rekindled are friendship. Although since we got back in contact, i felt like she hasn't, quite been the same with me. She doesn't seem as friendly and open with me as before, even though it was the pair of us that lost contract contact. It takes two, to make a friendship work.I don't fully trust her and feel cursious about how true she is with me. I think she laughs about me behind my back with her other half because, he mentioned something that made her go awkward. She was looking at him in a 'shut up now' way, but it was to indicate something that, behind my back, perhaps she would have been making fun about me too? (if i had not been there?). She would always text me, 'hi' followed by a nick name she made up, that indicates that i'm stupid, so i wrote back 'lol' (laughed that means) and said i am more emotionally intelligent than academically, which makes up for 80% of intelligents and academic 20%. She didn't think i would know what the nick name meant, but her boyfriend said it to me before, as a joke, so i knew what she meant by the nick name.We were drunk a while back, and i fell off her sofa, and she laughed and me, saying to her boyfriend, ''look at her, she's pathetic!''. I lent her some money and i had to ask for it back rather than her just giving it me back. This was before we lost contact.I am the sensitive sort, who can take things personally, so i don't know if i'm thinking to deep over nothing, but it doesn't feel quite right. She was bitching about someone's weight behind their back, when we had been drinking and i thought it was a bit harsh, what she was saying.She told me i was lucky that she was my friend, because she doesn't Normaly make friends with women, because they're jealous and bitchy. I don't like it because, if that's the case, then she would be lucky to have found a friend like me since as she thinks most women are bitchy and jealous.She told me that she thought i was a ''door mat'', this was before we lost contract, but she was saying it in a way to make me see sense, and stand up for myself. I know that for fact! Any advice would be much appreciated!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): no, she is not a keeper. If she is having snide conversations behind your back with her boyfriend and others this is what i often call a 'people poisoner'You deserve better than this.Try to get a bit busier and develop a new network of friends. I don't think she is on 'your team' so to speak, following all the things you mentioned
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2011): Friends are important. But hurtful friends are best avoided.This 'friend' is making all the wrong moves and showing all the signs of a 'toxic' person who you don't need in your life.It's very difficult if you can count your friends on one hand. And easy to think that any friend is better than few or none. But that is not true.You need to put yourself first. Every morning when you map out where you intend to go/and what you intend to do, and who you intend to see/meet, ask yourself this question: 'is this GOOD for me?'If 'maybe' or 'no' then don't do it, don't go there, don't meet those people.Instead concentrate on the things that are to your advantage.Request for Loans to 'friends'?? No way. Banks are for loans. You are not a bank.Go join a Gym. Much healthier than time spent with bitchy people.Volunteer at a Charity near your home. You should meet a nicer standard of people than your bitchy catty 'friend'Find a group that meets and shares one of your interests (or an interest you would like to develop). You will learn things. People love to teach newbies. And if you are not too needy you will make some friends.You are in the UK? Do you have a nearby Community Garden? Where you could sign up to grow some vegetables in your own small patch there. You may have to put your name down, until there is a vacancy, but great community spirit develops friendships.And remember an older gardener may be happy to do some matchmaking if they have a nice son or grandson around your age.Be friendly, but not too eager with people. Listen to people - people love talking about themselves. Get out and enjoy life. But don't be so quick to accept friendship from toxic people. And be 'too busy' next time these toxic people suggest an evening out. You have better things to do.
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