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female
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anonymous
writes: I've had sex with my boyfriend about 6 times, the pains gone but im not getting any pleasure out of it, and im starting to think this is only for guys, i dont even cum, but he does...is there something wroung with me? it feals better when im fingerd but i want it to feal better with him, ahhh idk, its driveing me crazy...is this normal? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Curious girl  +, writes (11 July 2008):
Hey. Im 15 and ive been with this guy Jay for 2 years and some odd months. I lost my virginity to him a long time ago. It was my choice with no regrets whatsoever. Ive always been careful, done my research so i need no lectures. What my question is is during a short period of time...him and i broke up and i started dating a best friend of mine who ive known for 3 years. And we dated 6 months and had intercourse. Why did intercourse feel better with him as oppose to jay? Theres no difference in size or anything...so why the difference in pleasure?
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (3 March 2006):
 sex can feel good for both men and women , but unfortunatly some women never have an orgasm, the best thing is to experiment with what you like, what turns you on , where and how you like to be touched.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2006): my ex was never cumed by intercourse alonewith me or any other guy. try playing with yourself while hes insude of you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2006): Don't you worry, sweetie. 6 times is very little... I was 17 when I first had sex (now I`m 28), so I know what I´m talking about ;) Unfortunately, (usually) there is a HUGE gap between where the pain ends and when you start getting your pleasure out of it. The only thing you can do, is have fun with him, share with him what makes you feel good. Tell him , or better yet, show him what you like.... You`ll learn all on your own, and before you know it, you`ll have your first orgasm :)
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (26 February 2006):
 Hmm. I'm wondering if you've discussed this with your boyfriend. Does he know that you're getting nothing out of sex with him? Is he making an effort to give you some pleasure too, or is it a case of hop-on, hop-off?
This is a problem that happens with lots of relationships where you agree to have sex with someone because you think it's what *he* wants and when it's not necessarily high on your own personal agenda. So what happens is, you end up having sex, in lots of quick, boring increments, and wondering what all the fuss is about.
Your boyfriend is getting satisfaction, but doesn't appear to be trying to make it good for you too, possibly because you haven't said anything, he may not have a lot of experience himself and he doesn't understand that sex doesn't automatically guarantee an orgasm for women, in the same way it does for men.
What I'm about to write is only personal experience, OK? I don't mean to imply that this is always true for every woman everywhere, so with that understanding... I'd say, yes, this is normal. For you. Under these circumstances.
Think about the sex act from a human-design perspective for a moment. Your clitoris is about a hand's width away from your vagina, and when you have sex with your boyfriend, all his interest is probably centred on your vagina, which is one of the least tactile areas of your body. So having normal, vaginal sex with no clitoral stimulation is about as satisfying for you as telling someone your back itches and having them start to massage your neck! Their attention is in the wrong spot!
Unfortunately, I've found that men tend to think that, since having their penis in a vagina feels good to them, they reason that it must feel good to the woman, too. And we both know isn't always the case.
So, what do you do to fix this and start getting some pleasure yourself? Simple! You need to educate your boyfriend in what does feel good to you. This really should be coupled with talking with him and explaining (gently) that the sex you've been having so far hasn't been very good for you, and telling him that you really want to be able to get into it (that will go a long way, believe me), so you want to try some different things.
My experience is, if you explain that you want to do some activities that are going to make you moan and writhe with pleasure, he's going to want to participate!
So before you have sex next time, have a shower, trim the hedge (so to speak), and encourage him to try oral sex before you get into the penetrative stuff. Try using a vibrator to get yourself into the mood (do this whilst he's watching and he'll get a thrill), use your own hands -- and his -- to stroke your own clitoris while you're having sex. Watch or read erotica together and have sex only when you think you're going to explode if you don't.
What it comes down to is that you're having sex on your boyfriend's timetable, not your own, and men's response time to sexual stimulation is much faster than women's. Sex isn't much of a pleasure for women unless you're really in the mood, or unless your partner takes him time and warms you up properly. Or preferably, both.
Talk with your boyfriend. That's the first port of call. Then work together to find some ways to make sex better for you (both).
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