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male
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anonymous
writes: My wife and I separated 3 months ago and I think she is seeing someone else but am not sure. When I asked her about it she said they were mostly friends. I know she has known him for a long time because they work together. I still love her and the reason we split was because she said she didn't love me anymore. But when she calls with a problem such as fixing things in the house or money I will help her out. When I go over to pick up our daughter or talk on the phone we will laugh and smile. Am I just being used?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Like Eyeswideopen, I don't see a problem here. I think you're just still attached to her. That's all. You two are separated. She isn't using you per-se. She phones you up and asks if you can go over to fix things, etc. You accept, and that's that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): I'm going to suggest that you may have to get a little tough!
If you feel like you are being "used", maybe when there is a problem she is having within her home such a money or repairs,try and not be so availiable to her. She was the one who wanted this relationship over, which in my opinion means she has to face her own life now, and all the responsibilites that come with it. Sometimes when you give an inch, people will take a mile! Your concerns should now be about your daughter. Its wonderfull that you two can keep things on a friendly basis which in the long run is good for your daughters sake. I would just keep it at that though. On the point of her being with someone else, usually are "gut instinct" is pretty acurate!
Good Luck and hang in there! :)
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (18 January 2006):
 I don't see a problem here. You are separated, are you planning to divorce? Once you are divorced you don't have to fix anything if you don't want to and that goes for giving her money as well. Of course the daughter must be al taken care of always. An amiable separation and divorce is very rare but definitely better for all involved. If you do get back together then your generous behavior will be remembered.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair  +, writes (18 January 2006):
 You're only being used if you're "unaware" of what the situation is. Seems like you're fully aware. You're only being used if you feel it. Keep aware and go with the flow. No point ditching your ex from your life but it sounds like she has moved on and maybe you should too. It hurts.
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