A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear cupid:I went on my first date with my boyfriend three months ago. During the four first weeks we had great time while getting to know each other. I was always happy and smiling and he told me that he will always like me as long as I remained like that. Many times he asked me if I was the jealous kind and in which degree to which I responded that yes I was a bit jealous at the normal level. He seemed worried and said that was not good. When I asked what was he looking for in a woman he said "someone who in not jealous and a good communicator". Shortly thereafter, he started telling me stories about his life rigth after the separation with his wife(he's been divorced for 10 years now). For some reason I cannot explain some of the stories bothered me. Those were stories about his past relationships. I would ask for more details and then get very upset. Other times he would present hypotetical situations such as he going out with other platonic girlfriends that he has because he says he enjoys their company. At first I tried to set boundaries and I told him I was very uncomfortable with that. He defended his position saying he knew them from a long time ago. One of them is a childhood friend and another is his ex-wife best friend (sometimes when I was in his house some of these women called him). Like I was saying, at first I told him I was very upset but then when I started having feelings for him, I kind of started to give up and finally, for fear of losing him I said if he wanted to keep his friends that close it was fine with me. All this came with a lots of tears from my part. He got very angry a couple of times. We talked. He promised to compromise but a couple of days later he would make the same statement again "I will not stop talking to my friends, as long as they want to be my friends I be friends with them". I never asked him to stop talking to them. I merely pointed out that their closeness bothered me. He started accusing me of been negative and controlling and he clearly stated that he didn't like that. However, after every argument (there was a total of seven) he always came back to me. Two days ago I told him I was changing my status of girlfriend to just platonic friend ( I didn't mean it). He seemed shocked but said nothing. I said this after he refused to just shut up about his past lovers. He said it was such a good time in his life and he wanted to keep all those memories alive and share them with me.Anyways, this morning I call him to find out if we were hooking up for the night. He said he's having an spiritual weekend of praying and doesn't feel like he wants to see me. I asked about tomorow and he said the same thing. Then I asked about Monday and he got annoyed and said he doesn't want any pressure and he will call me if he feels like he wants to talk to me or see me. Do you thing he is trying to push me away?Is my jealously the cause? Did he provoke me to be jealous? Should I just let him walk? Was all the drama my fault? I am desperate for answers!
View related questions:
best friend, divorce, ex-wife, his ex, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your kind responses. Now I can see what his game is. I think he wants to remain single forever.
He called last night as if nothing had hapenned. He called again today to asked me to dinner. I'll go to the dinner and take a good look at him for the last time.
To IHatewomen beaters:
You are so right! Thank you.
A
female
reader, QuirkLady  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 This dude is playing head games with you. Life is too short to put up with his mess! Keep on walking and you'll find a better man soon.
Good luck.
...............................
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 I think he set you up for this failure. That's like asking someone what their worst fear is, and when they tell you they are afraid of the dark, you turn off all the lights and then become furious because they are scared. This is what he has done to you. I don't think he really wanted a relationship from you, he just wanted you to be one of his many FWB so he doesn't have to commit to any of you, and can still enjoy all the sexual benefits of playing around. Which means he is a player and you just didn't figure it out right away. Now that he has decided to spend all his time "praying" why don't you start looking for someone else and when he calls you again (if he does) tell him to get lost. You haven't been together long enough to form any lastiing feelings about someone who likes to play this game. I wish you the best.
...............................
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (18 October 2009):
 yes it is your fault. you are 41-50 not 13-14. GROW UP.Get over your blatantly OBVIOUS insecurities.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Jealously is the woman things. If he really like you he'll deal with this.I broke up with my boyfriend for same reason.We always fight cause my jealous.So, I firgure out I better let him go and move on our life spreated.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Oh man, this guy sounds like a real treat. Sounds like he is seriously testing the waters and being disrepectful. I would not enjoy being with this kind of man either. I wouldn't waste my time on him, let him play his head games with someone else. Kick his ass to the curb and run really fast! He is not worth it.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2009): Oh man, this guy sounds like a real treat. Sounds like he is seriously testing the waters and being disrepectful. I would not enjoy being with this kind of man either. I wouldn't waste my time on him, let him play his head games with someone else. Kick his ass to the curb and run really fast! He is not worth it.
...............................
|
