A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am going to make this as short and understandable as I can. My husband is not with me at the moment (he is away) I know he has been calling his ex wife that has two grown kids with him because I told him to call and get to know his kids. He felt very guilty after years of not being in touch with them and leaving them 19 years ago. He didn't leave them for me. Anyway, for the past 3 years he has been calling his ex -wife's house. I was able to figure this out. I told him I know and he tells me he isn't hiding anything because I know but when I saw that he called her then he called me. And then when he couldn't reach me he calls his ex -wife 5 times in one week for 1/2 hour a call. His kids are never home. In fact his son doesn't even live there anymore. He calls me almost every night but he calls his ex about 4 or 5 times a month. Since his mom lives across the country and is old and his dad past away he knows his mom will not leave me as the executor of her estate so he wanted his ex wife to be in the will as the executor cause he doesn't trust anyone else. That left me very angry. His mother doesn't even want the ex wife as the executor but her god daugther.Now something happened to my husband and I get his property. What I find in his property (and he even tells me don't get mad) I find his ex wife (who is 8 years older than he) in a picture with him back in 2007 of her sitting on his leg and his wedding band off. A letter to her typed back in 2005 of how guilty he felt from not being a good father and leaving her to raise the kids alone and going through many years of anguish. He said in the letter stop smoking cause I want you to live a well deserved life when I come home (which will be in 5 years) he will be 55 years old. We will live 6 hours from her how will he make sure she lives a well deserved life.I asked him years back do you still love her and he said yes but not in a sexual way at all. I find a letter to his mother that he trust NO OTHER ABOVE HER regarding the will and that when his mom passes away she should leave his ex the urns and that she will be honored. When I wrote him because I was not able to see him for 3 weeks and wrote him letters how could you, how dare you... he wrote me back pages and pages of how sorry he was and so what about her sitting on his leg. Actually I was face to face with him about it he said throw it out it doesn't mean anything that she was at much more intimate places when they were married. I said that is dishonoring me and he tells me he would never dishonor me or betray me. He said he didn't want to rub it in her face. He told me he wrote his mom that to comfort her and my husband said he wants me of course to be the executor of the will but he doesn't think his mom will leave me as executor. He said now he will try and write his mother who I did speak to after 7 years last week with a lot that is going on with my husband. I still feel that I can't forgive him for this. I think she is going on with the thought when he comes home he is going back to her but that is highly impossible cause I am on everything he owns. This is so terrible wierd and crazy.Any advice ?
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female
reader, Multiple Orgasms  +, writes (4 November 2009):
Does he still have feelings for his ex? And are you sure that it's the same for you. You're mature enough to put that feeling in a box. Lock it away... hide the key in your heart so he must win your heart in order to recieve the key. Until he does that you're both scratching the surface of what's locked away.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): Your question is a little confusing. Why would your husband not be the executor of his mother's will?
Anyway, I am very experienced in knowing that frequently ex-wives have a special place in the heart of a man. But that does not mean you can't be happy together. Does he otherwise treat you well? You have to really lay it on the line that he cannot be communicating with her in this manner. Perhaps he can just e-mail if he would like to keep in touch and let you have the password.
Maybe you need to add a little excitement to your marriage to give it some life and make him fall in love with you all over again. There is lots of advice on that on-line.
Good luck.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 November 2009): You need to reduce this complex issue down to something simple. Forget any matter tha you can't control. Who CARES who his mother names as the executor, executors have no power and get nothing except tha they have to carry out the execution of the will. His mother can name ANYONE she wants as the executor, even a celibrity or someone she doesn't know, so DROP this tangentWhat you need to focus on is your husbands contact with the ex-wife. short and simple, are his contacts a violation of his relationship with you -YES or NO. If yes, what's he going to do about it? In no, drop it (It's NOT NO)...If yes (and it is YES), what are his plans? Is he trying to get back together with her, if so, pack his crap now, put it in a mini-warehouse and change the locks.If he can reduce his contact with the ex to an appropriate number, duration and timing then great. If not, loop back to the part about putting his stuff in a box...
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